I Love Fall and COVID is Not Ruining It, Dammit 

The scent of leaves, crisp air, it's fall — my favorite season and roughly a third of my personality. Oh, you like fall, too? That's cute. I keep a dedicated room in my house a brisk 58 degrees with a crockpot of hot cider going 24/7 and a Bath & Body Works Pumpkin Crème Brûlée candle burning dangerously unattended just so I can retreat from the outside world, pull on a cable knit sweater and decompress with a snifter of maple syrup during winter, spring and summer.

I wait 275.2 days a year for my 89.8 days of fall and I've got until Nov. 30 to bask. This climate disaster is already making a walking sauna of my beloved tartan scarf and knee-high boots until Halloween, but it's fine! Overheating adds to my rosy cheeks and when I start to wobble and see trails, I just quietly chant, "sweater weather, sweater weather, sweater weather" until I stabilize. See, I can adapt. And that's why the now annual COVID surge is not going to ruin my fall.

It's all about perspective. As new variants pop up like waxy miniature gourds and gatherings move indoors, try reframing the signs of rising infections and even illness as harbingers of the glorious change of seasons. Do you think we just naturally love the smell of dead and decaying foliage? That itchy sweaters and hot juice are turn-key awesome? Generations of People Who Love Fall willed ourselves into finding them charming. Hell, I dug deep and convinced myself that walking face-first through a pumpkin spider's web is a seasonal treat. And we can do it again.

As you gaze at the red and yellow leaves drifting down to the sidewalk, appreciate the crumpled blue surgical mask in the gutter. Perhaps rake all the masks you find in the street into a big pile and absolutely do not jump in it. Just as you scan porches for pumpkins, so too, can you peruse your social media feeds for your crazy Aunt Janet's wild COVID theories or antivaxxers wilding out in the comments. Somebody claiming to get menstrual cramps from sitting next to a vaccinated person? Oh, that's batshit ... but it's also fall, y'all!

Speaking of the vaccine, I've turned my trip to the pharmacy into a seasonal celebration by insisting the needle be injected into my deltoid through the center of an apple cider doughnut and followed by a 20cc shot of pumpkin spice syrup. I even showed up in my favorite sweatshirt that reads, "Flannel, Football, Candy Corn and Community Spread."

And as long as you're not among the elderly and/or immunocompromised who can — and still do — die from COVID, you can even make catching the virus a fall thing. Miss sending holiday cards? Then you'll enjoy contacting everyone you've potentially exposed to the virus to let them know they should test within five days of your hangout. Then get ready to isolate at home until you test negative. Every time you jam a swab into your sinus cavity is like spring's Groundhog Day — will it be negative or another 10 days of isolation? Nobody knows for the next 15 minutes!

Of course, if you're still holding out on vaccination and therefore roughly 10 times as likely to wind up hospitalized (per the Journal of the American Medical Association), well, that can make reveling in the autumn ambiance more difficult. I guess try the "sweater weather" chant.

Unless you're lucky and asymptomatic, you're probably shotgunning chicken soup and Gatorade, which kind of already feel like fall liquids. It's the perfect time to enjoy a pumpkin spice everything — even if you hate it! — since you might not be able smell or taste it anyway. If you put a couple fingers of NyQuil in your cider and take a good huff of hand sanitizer, you might not feel much, either.

Remember when we used to wipe down groceries? Try disinfecting your packages and produce as an old-timey activity with the kids, like caroling at Christmas. Besides, people are disgusting.

If you're breathing OK and can stay awake, consider crafting. Carve a pumpkin or upcycle those old rapid test sticks into wind chimes that clink lightly in the autumn breeze. Paint "Waiting for Fall and My PCR Results" on a plank of barn wood to hang in the kitchen. Make a wreath of fall leaves, pinecones, crumpled masks and maybe an old chest x-ray for Spooky Season touch. It may seem grim at first but since this is our "new normal," let's make it fun!

Folding the new traditions of COVID in with the autumn vibes we love might feel weird at first. But look at Thanksgiving, a feast marking actual atrocities that America has turned into a celebration with white meat turkey at its center. Compared to that rebranding, manufacturing nostalgia for a virus that killed more than 1.1 million Americans and counting due to cascading government failures (and a thick wedge of our population who chose tantrums and conspiracy theories over science and the wellbeing of their neighbors) should be a piece of pumpkin pie.

You never know, you might even get the sustained and sometimes debilitating symptoms of long COVID and keep the spirit of the season all year long.

Jennifer Fumiko Cahill (she/her) is the arts and features editor at the Journal. Reach her at (707) 442-1400, extension 320, or [email protected]. Follow her on Instagram @JFumikoCahill and on Mastodon @jenniferfumikocahill.