The other day my imaginary friend said, “Your little stories there in the back pages of the local weekly … They’re OK.” “Just OK?” I asked. “Yeah. They’re too much like beachcomber pornography. You strut onto the beach, instantly presented with fantastic big squids. And your threesome with the lancetfish and spiny dogfish was hot […]
Mike Kelly
Posted inLife + Outdoors
Your Parasites’ Parasites
If you are presently trying to wake yourself up in a coffee shop, for example, go ahead and fold this paper up and take it home. Wait until you are ready to enjoy a comfortable and worry-free sleep to read this. Okay, now take a deep breath, close your eyes and imagine yourself kicking back […]
Posted inLife + Outdoors
Cannibal Lancetfish
In recognition of the poor eating quality of the longnose lancetfish (Alepisaurus ferox), parts of this story are written in poor taste. Longnose lancetfish, also known as longsnouted lancetfish and cannibal fish, wash up on the beach here occasionally. Their discovery sometimes makes the news. I’ve even seen them correctly identified in a local paper. […]
Posted inLife + Outdoors
Squid Pro Quo
First, I’ll answer a reader’s question about the giant salp from last time: Does it ever get eaten? I answered, “Yes. Everything gets eaten — even you, eventually.” However, I only said that because I’m afraid to say, “I don’t know.” So, I checked the internet. I quickly found a fish called the warty oreo […]
Posted inLife + Outdoors
The Name of the Blob
On a beach somewhere, a colorful blob is washing up and ignorant parents are calling it “a jellyfish” in front of the children, who respond, “That’s not a fish, it’s a cnidarian medusa.” Any respect for Mom and Dad is forever stained. Don’t be those parents. Arm yourself with the following. Medusae Your classic “jellyfish” […]