Things got a little “out there” last week and I found myself kneeling in wet sand having a conversation with a washed-up Pacific sand dollar (Dendraster excentricus). We talked about — you know — sand dollar stuff. He was a male but I couldn’t tell by looking. He was lonely and scared. “The surf got […]
Mike Kelly
Posted inLife + Outdoors
The Violet Snail Conspiracy
When it comes to snail appreciation, there are three types of people. Type 1 people display no curiosity about snails and don’t want to learn anything new anyway. Fortunately, these shit-for-brains wouldn’t read this newspaper, so I haven’t offended anyone yet. Type 2 people are snail-curious and may actively seek information about snails but they’ll […]
Posted inLife + Outdoors
Marine Life Diversity
My imaginary friend heard me call him a wacky conspiracy theorist. But he’s a good imaginary friend so we had a long heart-to-heart. I suggested that his critical thinking could be better if he had more diversity and inclusion among his own imaginary friends. But before replacing his group of imaginary middle-aged white guys with […]
Posted inLife + Outdoors
Sea Turtle Lovin’
Sometimes distant things on the beach aren’t what they first seem to be. For example, I recently thought I saw a washed-up great white shark. But it turned out to be a king-size mattress folded in half. Once near Cape Mendocino I thought I saw a flying saucer on the sand up ahead. I froze. […]
Posted inLife + Outdoors
You’re No Mola
Evolutionary history” is probably a terrible phrase to begin a lighthearted natural history story with. But maybe if I throw in live fish disc golf, that will keep your attention for another 500 words. Anyway, in your evolutionary history you have a fish. There’s plenty of genetic and anatomical evidence to support this. For example, […]
Posted inLife + Outdoors
Fish, I Might Be
Hi there. I’m your friendly neighborhood pufferfish from the family of fishes called Tetraodontidae. You’d probably like to learn something interesting about me. For example, my family has the fewest genes of any known vertebrate animal. However, I’m not actually from your neighborhood, I’m not at all friendly and I don’t give a crap about […]
Posted inNews
Creatures of the Shallows
The good news is that you don’t have to go scuba diving on a tropical reef to see beautiful and charismatic sea creatures. We have our share of them right here along California’s rocky North Coast. And many are in shallow water where snorkeling or careful rock hopping can reveal them. The bad news is […]
Posted inLife + Outdoors
Dig It
If you are like millions of others, you often wonder what it’s like to be a Pacific mole crab (Emerita analoga). I’m capitalizing on this trend with my Mole Crab Virtual Reality Experience. The basic program is available as a free download for use with your personal VR headset. The big money is in mole […]
Posted inLife + Outdoors
Inside Out
Imagine for a moment that you live in a world where everyone is born wearing snuggly one-piece pajamas. As you grow, your pajamas tighten until they pop off and are replaced with larger pajamas that fit comfortably. But it takes a couple of days for your skin to secrete your new pajamas. Meanwhile, you are […]
Posted inLife + Outdoors
No Bat Ray Jokes Here
Bat rays (Myliobatis californica) live peacefully in an environment of frequent violence. So I’m sorry but there’s nothing funny about bat rays. If you came here looking for cute little bat ray jokes, you might as well take this newspaper and stick it under your puppy. Bat rays may not be as renowned as stingrays […]
Posted inLife + Outdoors
The Big Skate
So, you know about the theory of evolution by natural selection, right? A tiny random mutation in an organism’s DNA results in better fitness and gets passed on to future generations, etc. And, after hundreds of millions of years, this process is responsible for the diversity of life on Earth. But who has time for […]
Posted inLife + Outdoors
Shark Evidence
I should warn you that I own a large pack of imaginary dogs. They are all rescue dogs that needed a forever home, so it’s cool. And I’ve taught them not to bark. Instead, they shark. Whenever they see a stranger they go, “SHARK! SHARK! SHARK!” It scares the hell out of people. But I […]