I’m over the word “infused.” I am over reading about cannabis-infused cocktails, bread, baking soda, bath salts, olive oil, etc. I get why these products are potentially useful but can we be done? Can we be done fetishizing the brand value of cannabis and trying to shoehorn it into every aspect of our lives? It’s. So. Boring. Granted, I have something of a confirmation bias about this as I use Google Alerts to keep me up to date on cannabis/marijuana news, so every day there’s a new edible/beauty product/exercise routine that involves cannabis as click-hungry headline artists in desperate lifestyle sections elbow for the attention of a declining readership. No, I am not above said behavior. But that’s my professional life. When it comes to my personal life, I am not going to let the phrase “cannabis-infused wedding” pass across my news feed (looking at you San Luis Obispo Tribune) without making something abundantly clear to my soon-to-be-married friends:
No. I love you, but no. Well, OK. If cannabis is how you make your income and start your day, or it’s part of your meet-cute story, then I’m going to support your decision to wear an ugly-ass wreath made of buds and flowers around your head because it kind of makes sense in that case. That doesn’t mean it’s not a freaking bore. Only the tackiest among us subject family and friends to product placement on our special day, and I speak as someone who comes from a culture of Mossy Oak tuxedos and hay bale seating. Be better. Do better.
Bud Bouquet: No.
Edibles in gift bags: No.
Pre-rolled joints on the tables: No.
His and her “stoner rings” with bowls and lighters: No.
“Bud-tender” next to the bar and a pre-designated smoking lounge for adults to hang out and get mellow: Classy AF. Stansberry approved.
The thing is, weddings are freaking stressful. They’re stressful for you, they’re stressful for us. If you and your mother-in-law need to take a hit to stay out of Bridezilla mode, I SUPPORT YOU. And it’s your special day, so you do you. But I don’t want to put on my nicest sundress and do my hair just to get hit with a cloud of smoke. It’s just as freaking annoying as cigarettes and just as pungent. And I don’t want to haul my ass to Shelter Cove on a blazing hot summer weekend just to spend an entire afternoon making sure the toddlers aren’t getting into the edibles you decided to hand out like, well, candy. And honestly? Though I get the homely agrarian earnestness of appreciating a perfect tapered bud with its tiny hairs and tight leaves, from a distance they have all the aesthetic resonance of pine cones. Really, they’re just little green lumps. If you’re color blind they look like rabbit pellets.
Rant done. You know I love you, cannabis-loving friends. I’ll be there for you when the crop fails or the baby starts teething. But if we’re tight enough that you’re inviting me to your special day, we’re tight enough for me to try to talk you out of some tacky decisions. And stoned people can be boring as shit. So if you plan on inviting everyone in attendance to blaze before you’ve even wheeled out the cake, let me know. I will buy you something mid-pricey off the registry, send my regrets and make plans to hang out once you’re back from the honeymoon.
This article appears in Community.
Ms. Stansberry,
Your writing and observations are always intriguing….and funny.
Keep it up.
I’m a big fan.
Do you ever have anything nice to say about weed, Linda? You mention confirmation bias in this piece. Some years ago you wrote that you were badly burned in love by a grower. Hmm…
Here’s something I’m over: people who write like little girls talk. Oh. My. God. So. Juvenile.
Marijuana and all that embodies the marijuana culture is a bore and social ill that attracts boring people like flies to feces.
Rabbit pellets???
We used to smoke pot. We got stoned. Story pretty much over.
Now it is an idealized and idolized pop cultural gasbag. I’m way over it. It’s not cute or special or mother earthy or anything else. It’s legal and I’d love to try some skin cream to see if it helps the pain of my old arthritic hands. But it’s a plant guys…not the second coming.
how ’bout “feminized souvenir seeds” — i ran across on seed purchase searches. Avg. $10/seed
Hey! Guess what?? Unless you are the one getting married, weddings are NOT. ABOUT. YOU. So stop patronizing us with your judgement. If you’re tired of hearing about cannabis, then kindly remove yourself from our “tacky” lives.
*chuckle*
Linda writes, “click-hungry headline artists in desperate lifestyle sections elbow for the attention of a declining readership. No, I am not above said behavior. But that’s my professional life.”
How about a career based on integrity instead?
Linda, I agree. Worst thing about marajuana (Well, I have a list) is getting behind someone at the super market that stinks like month old dirty bong water. I cannot imagine that at a wedding.
Who spends this much time writing about what you don’t want other people to do with thier lives… it’s probably the saddest ugliest thing when people get this disgruntled about other’s personal taste/decisions. Especially when it’s just something that will make them happy. So lame.
I find it intriguing that you say you support it, yet you’re so against it. Why is it ok to have a bartender that dishes out drinks that usually result in rather poorly thought out decisions at functions over something natural that can be used to medicate a lot of issues away? While I agree giving out edibles is probably poor judgment given that it may not be wanted (or there may be kids or potential legal ramifications, I get it), them having a designated smoking area is a perfectly acceptable happy medium.
Fast forward from 2017 to 2021… smoking and using cannabis is not a fad and helps millions upon millions of people around the globe. To not think that it has a profound effect on many peoples’ lives would be a gross miscalculation. Several other cultures have also used cannabis as part of weddings and other ceremonies for centuries. Living in Hawaii for years enabled me to open my eyes to other cultures that are a LOT older than our ways in the US.
Let’s be honest… the only reason marijuana is illegal is because of racial inequalities back in the day, and the fact that they couldn’t figure out how to regulate or tax it). If you’re invited to a wedding and it’s a friend or family member, chances are you’re going into the event knowing what to expect. For that one event for a friend or family member, suck it up buttercup and have a Coke and a smile. Not everything that happens in life should really be broken down an analyzed with everyone else’s emotions. Sometimes, you just need to enjoy the ride that’s life. <3