Last month’s Public Safety Power Shutoffs in Humboldt County taught all of us here at PG&E a number of valuable lessons. First and foremost was that our communication flow with local government and law enforcement agencies, as well as media, was nearly as Byzantine and mysterious as the power grid we refuse to show you. […]
satire
Posted inLetters + Opinion
Supernatural Web MD
For years Web MD’s symptom checker has helped millions to input their aches, pains, twitches and itches into a flowchart of data that shows what they might indicate. It also quickly and easily escalates both nagging concerns and mild curiosities into utter assurance that you’ve got flesh-eating bacteria on your brain. Since none of us […]
Posted inLetters + Opinion
The Cat Would Like to Offer an Apology
Good morning. You’re probably wondering why I’m here, just a few minutes before dawn, with my full weight pressing down on your chest and my extended claws resting lightly on your neck. I’m hoping now is a good time to talk. Despite the passage of nearly a year, it seems you’re still holding onto some […]
Posted inLetters + Opinion
New Baby Names
Naming your baby can be a daunting task. After all, it’s literally how they’ll introduce themselves to the world in person and on résumés. You need something you can coo to an infant, shriek at a teenager and whisper softly as you massage your temple when their offspring are careening around your home during the […]
Posted inLetters + Opinion
A Word about the ‘Threat’ of White Supremacy
In the wake of the mass shooting in El Paso, Texas, by a white supremacist gunman who left a violent, racist manifesto before he murdered 22 people, Fox News host Tucker Carlson went on air and declared the threat of white supremacists “a conspiracy theory used to divide the country and keep a hold on […]
Posted inLetters + Opinion
Should You Blame the Media?
Illustration by Jonathan Webster Related Stories
Posted inLetters + Opinion
Farewell from McKinley’s Statue
Oh, hi. Well, this is awkward. I mean, I figured we’d run into each other at the farmers market or whatever before I left. That’s breaking up in Humboldt for you. I would have turned around and given you an out but, you know. You heard I’m leaving, right? Yeah, Canton, Ohio. The old stomping […]
Posted inLetters + Opinion
Welcome to the Stone Cleanse®
Here at Stone Cleanse® Ranch, our goal is wellness through the limitless power of Nature (copyright pending), drawing wisdoms from other cultures so you don’t have to interact with them. We intuit that those of you coming into our circle for the first time have questions. We’re listening. Literally. Five unpaid interns in our Stone […]
Posted inLetters + Opinion
Facebook Update
Hello. Mark Zuckerberg here with a few announcements about our Facebook community. Call me Mark, though. Many humans call me Mark. Just kidding. About the humans. It’s been a challenging year and if I’ve learned anything from testifying before Congress about fake news, Russian interference in our presidential election and the harvesting of personal data […]
Posted inLetters + Opinion
Good Guy with a Howitzer
Dear President Trump: I have been retired for more than 15 years and I need a hobby. I thought about trout fishing or bird watching, but they are too benign. Although I’ve never owned a gun, I want one. Not just any gun. I want a tank. A heavily armored, self-propelled combat vehicle armed with […]
Posted inLetters + Opinion
New Cannabis Strains for Today’s Stress
Jefferson Beauregard Express. With a mellow cornbread, Brill Cream and Klansman hood scent, this Indica offspring of Reefer Madness and Jim Crow rolls up on you like a black SUV full of federal agents and shuts down your anxiety about Jeff Sessions overriding California’s cannabis legalization and seizing the very product that you were counting […]