A snow angel
Buried in the Op-Ed section of today’s
Times-Standard
is this stunning, er,
revelation
from contributor Dave Stancliff: Angels exist! This will no doubt be shocking news to the
17 percent
of (hell-bound) Americans who have until now denied the existence “God’s Ambassadors.”
“These blessed spirits are armed with the authority and might of paradise,” Stancliff evangelizes. “Angels bring healing, perseverance, creativity, joy, and solutions to the problems and circumstances of our human condition.” After checking the masthead to make sure I hadn’t picked up an extra-large issue of
Watchtower
by mistake,
relief washed over me. Did you hear that, economic crisis? I’ll mail you a copy, Afghanistan. Any other problems or circumstances care to step up? The
T-S
has a message for your ass: “[T] he universality of angels cannot be denied.” Booya!
CORRECTION
: It was Sunday’s edition, appropriately.
This article appears in Crossing Schools.
Key statement: “I’m a poor theologian”.
Good lord.
“holy” crap.
This guy’s getting a bum rap.
Christopher!
He’ll freeze his buns off.
There must be trillions and trillions of angels up in heaven. That is, if it’s true that every time a bell rings an angel gets his wings. How many bells are rung each day across the world? How many bells have been rung in the whole of the earth’s history?
I’d say that it’s a good thing that heaven is infinite because they must be building angel condos at a breakneck pace up there…
I’d say someone is freezing his bells off.
Yes, I was pretty stunned to read this yesterday. Sad to see how the “universality of angels cannot be denied”, but no one mentions the universality of talking animals.
I found Dave’s column to be right on!
I believe in angels.
Great post Burns!
I love well written satire.
By the way…the TS didn’t have a message for anyone regarding Angels…that was my message, and it’s coming from someone who doesn’t attend church or profess any one religion over another.
Thanks, Dave. You’re a good sport.