Thank you for taking the time to complete this brief survey. The questions that follow are purely hypothetical and part of a study you absolutely don’t need to worry about for a think tank focusing on outside-the-box solutions to our political divide. And by “the box,” we mean accountability.
Please read the scenarios below — again, just examples — and note how concerned you are or are not with the hypothetical complicity and/or active participation of powerful people in the sex trafficking of minors and child sexual abuse in light of other pressing issues, historic events and shiny objects. And, like, if one of those powerful people was a totally fictional president of an imaginary country south of Canada whose brand is already pretty rapey.
1. How concerned would you be about the president bro-ing out for decades with a convicted child sex offender if said president invited a gold medal-winning men’s hockey team to chuckle along with his misogyny and maul cold McDonald’s cheeseburgers with the busted remains of their teeth at the White House kids’ table?
A. Not concerned.
B. Somewhat concerned.
C. Concerned.
D. Very concerned.
2. How concerned would you be about the lack of prosecution of powerful abusers related to the Epstein-like files in your country while other countries are ousting elected officials and arresting royalty if at the same time the president armed off-brand mall cops and sent them to kidnap, assault and occasionally kill your neighbors?
A. I cannot hear you over this bitchin’ Kid Rock track about underaged girls. Not concerned.
B. Kind of concerned about both now.
C. None of this is good and I’m getting more concerned, actually.
D. Still concerned and now joining a rapid response team.
3. How concerned would you be about your president using the Department of Justice to conceal his involvement with the trafficker, given his having bragged about peeking in the dressing room at Miss Teen USA pageant contestants, if your country buddied up with another nation to engage in light warfare, say, some bombings in the Middle East?
A. OK, but the bombing is to liberate women from an oppressive regime, right? Not concerned about a little sex trafficking.
B. Wait, is this going to affect the price of gas and/or Dubai chocolate?
C. This is an amazingly transparent attempt to distract from crime and corruption, but also, holy hell.
D. My capacity to be horrified in multiple directions has expanded since 2016, so yes, still extremely goddamned concerned about the trafficking.
4. How concerned would you be about the president chilling with the trafficker on top of his already lengthy resume of credible sexual assault and rape allegations, including being found liable for sexual abuse by a jury, if six U.S. military members were killed in the newly launched war?
A. My only concern is for the lives and safety of the uniformly heterosexual men fighting overseas to protect our God-given right to a subscription to Barely Legal.
B. I cannot possibly mourn American casualties and protect children at the same time — in fact, object permanence has always been a bit of a challenge for me as well.
C. That is terrible but how are these deaths supposed to make me not concerned about the trafficking?
D. Kind of feeling like the rape stuff is the catalyst for the deaths, so, yeah, pretty fucking concerned.
5. If not six U.S. military deaths, how about 20? What if we go to triple digits? Thousands? What about 740-ish foreign deaths, maybe a couple hundred of them children? If you have a number of U.S. and/or foreign casualties in mind that would make you care less about the trafficking and cover-up, please note it in the margins.
A. OK, was going to stick with not being concerned but you’re creeping me out now.
B. How many died in the last war? I need to see some graphs.
C. What is wrong with you people?
D. Brick in hand, currently looking up how to make a Molotov cocktail.
Jennifer Fumiko Cahill (she/her) is the managing editor at the Journal. Reach her at (707) 442-1400 ext. 106, or jennifer@northcoastjournal.com. Follow her on Bluesky @jfumikocahill.bsky.social.
This article appears in King Salmon Recovery, Egg-citing Condor News + Black Heritage Ball.