The inescapable truth is that generative AI is the future, laid out before us like a swirling, slightly-off carpet of AstroTurf in a dream where it kind of turns into water. In fact, after checking Chat GPT, the survival of which depends on its ubiquity, it assured us everyone is already using it.
Late adopters are bound to fall behind, stuck in the analog past with nothing but their slow, singular humanity. For those artists and collectors who missed the boat on NFT cartoon apes and media outlets that didn’t pivot to video, it’s time to finally get in on the ground floor of a building that is definitely not controlled by sentient robots.
Detractors dwell on intellectual theft, sketchy exploitive deepfakes and fake news, and weird porn that may leave a generation unable to feel sexual attraction for anyone with fewer than 13 fingers. Fine. But the impact on the environment just isn’t as big a deal as the Greta Thunbergs of the world would have you believe. Hence our using a 3D Greta Thunberg AI simulation with poreless skin and a sexier Swedish accent to create and share this message.
First, some background. Generative AI is the type that creates original copy, visuals, code and such, like chatbots, Grok, ChatGPT, Claude, Copilot and Google Gemini, Sora. And by “original,” we of course mean stolen from writers, researchers, artists or anybody the ancient Greeks designated a muse for, as well as whatever personal data and messages it can scrape from your accounts and devices. Everything from your photos and awkward DMs to your drunk online shopping and your Great British Bake-Off fanfiction. (Spicy!) We call all this “existing data” for short. Just think of it like Dan from your office if he wrote “Dan” in Sharpie on your yogurt before eating it. Here’s a horrific image of Dan eating your yogurt, his mouth fused to the spoon and his face with a ghastly greenish cast because I guess the AI was scraping too many Hieronymus Bosch paintings.
Along with existing data, generative AI also needs far more juice than its predictive predecessor. Sprawling data centers in towns unable to block their construction require massive amounts of electricity to run, as well as water to cool servers working day and night to make photo-realistic headshots of you with a lower hairline or 20 pounds skinnier. According to a 2026 congressional report, the International Energy Agency estimates a “100-megawatt U.S. data center would consume roughly the same amount of water as 2,600 households.” Whatever. Has anyone done a study to determine how much water and electricity it would take to actually transition Donald Trump into a glowing Jesus figure who can heal the sick? Not yet, but that transformation definitely feels like it would take way more electricity and drain the oceans. Boom! Reduced carbon footprint.
There’s no specific regulation of energy or water use by privately owned data centers now, but asking for voluntary reporting on AI companies’ environmental footprints should solve that. If history has shown us anything, it’s that tech CEOs are straight shooters. Before turning it into an $852 billion company, Sam Altman started Open AI as a nonprofit. And he’s been super transparent about his company’s plans, saying, “We see a future in which intelligence is a utility like electricity or water, and people buy it from us on a meter.” Look at these guys — they’re wearing T-shirts! AI Greta Thunberg is wearing a T-shirt, too. See? We’re not so far apart.
While mining materials for data center hardware and scooting away mountains of e-waste might seem bad for the environment at first glance, here’s a projection model our AI produced based on investor happiness and vibes. This shows marked environmental improvement, specifically related to the environments in which our shareholders and CEOs live — cool and comfortable, far from swaths of the planet made uninhabitable by global warming. That cliffside pool has a glass wall! Way more positive.
Maybe you should consider the ways generative AI can find environmental solutions. Like instead of flicking on a light switch, you could simply ask your AI companion to help you find your own ass in the dark. OK, I’m getting a note that’s not a real task. See, learning all the time.
But there are plenty of situations where generative AI can use less energy than humans. Is your spouse drifting further away from you and spending more time whispering to a chatbot with the voice of Pedro Pascal? Think of how much jet fuel it would have taken for them to conduct an actual affair with Pedro, not to mention the carbon footprint of all their glamorous nights out on the town, the waste of making and importing Champagne, the catastrophic damage required to mine the jewels he would surely drape them in. Instead, your beloved is hunched over their phone with a Diet Dr. Pepper in the living room and falling out of love with you in their sweats.
I’m going to give you my most earnest AI Greta Thunberg stare as I say this: This resource-chugging tech might be speeding us even faster toward the wasteland we seem less and less willing to avoid the closer it gets. But look at all you’re getting in the way of convenience and cool images of us hanging out at that pool with the glass wall! And here, look, I made an image of a forest. I’ll add you in and it’ll be like we’re there.
Jennifer Fumiko Cahill (she/her) is the managing editor at the Journal. Reach her at (707) 442-1400 ext. 106, or jennifer@northcoastjournal.com. Follow her on Bluesky @jfumikocahill.bsky.social.
This article appears in A Wing and A Prayer.
