We just completed Transgender Awareness Week. It seems like people are increasingly aware of the trans community, but not necessarily in a kind way. This holiday season there are likely going to be many holiday tables where the topic of transgender rights comes up. In the interest of resourcing trans people and allies, Queer Humboldt’s community education team offers the following talking points and scripts for having productive discourse on topics including: trans girls/women in sports, the recent election and transphobic humor.
If you hear someone griping about trans people in sports, specifically trans girls/women:
1) This issue affects a very small number of people and yet is taking up a huge amount of space in politics and public discourse. There are only a handful of competitive transgender girls/women in sports internationally, let alone in the U.S. This topic is designed to stoke fear, distract and divide us. Let’s not let it.
2) There is no evidence that trans girls/women have an advantage in sports. The notion that there is an advantage plays on our internalized stereotypes and assumptions but isn’t actually supported by research. There is, however, research showing a physiological disadvantage for trans athletes.
3) The attack on trans girls/women in sports is designed to codify into law that trans girls/women are actually men. Once established, that premise is used to further erode the rights of trans people, including the right to access non-discriminatory medical care, housing, employment and public accommodations. It has never actually been about safety in sports or supporting women athletes; it’s a foot in the door for destroying the lives of trans people.
4) If people really want to support women athletes’ safety and well-being, they would be talking about systemic underfunding and sexually predatory coaches/support staff (which is made worse by the trans panic, since bans on trans girls inevitably result in a hyperfixation on girls’ bodies).
5) In response to hearing the term “biological male:” this is a term designed to stoke fear, play on stereotypes and invalidate trans girls/women. Trans women are women. Period.
Another topic you might hear around holiday tables is the false notion that Democrats would have done better in the recent election if they had abandoned/distanced themselves from trans people. Here are talking points for that:
1) U.S. voters were polled on what topics influenced their votes and of the huge list of topics surveyed, trans topics came in last, indicating virtually no one voted the way they did because of trans issues.
2) Research shows that eight out of 10 U.S. adults think trans people are targeted by discrimination and the majority support laws that protect trans people from discrimination in jobs, housing and public spaces. Hating on trans people was not an effective political strategy and the general public does not support it.
3) Trans people are a small, discriminated-against population that had their existence sensationalized and targeted by hate campaigns/misinformation during this election cycle. To then go and blame trans people for election results is a form of victim blaming.
4) The moment the humanity, dignity and civil rights of a segment of our population is abandoned for political gain is the moment a party loses the moral high ground. Throwing trans people under the bus is a slippery slope that doesn’t stop there. Power lives in unity.
The above resources are for conversations with people who are genuinely engaging in good faith. If you find yourself engaging with someone who does not seem to be listening or willing to learn, then it’s usually best not to engage. Some people are entertained by saying offensive things to get people worked up. Sometimes, they will pretend to have a logical debate, or say they are just playing the devil’s advocate. Know that you don’t have to take the bait. You could say something like, “I’m not interested in debating you on this. How about we talk about something else?” It’s not your job to educate them. Even though it can be hard, try not to let your generosity of spirit be weaponized against you.
Lastly, if you find yourself in earshot of transphobic jokes and it is safe to do so, interrupt that. Make it clear that type of behavior is not welcome in your presence. Again, prioritize your safety. Sometimes it just is not safe and, in that case, do what you need to do in order to get to a safe space. If it is safe to speak up, it can be difficult to think of what to say in the moment, so here are a few simple scripts you can have ready in advance so you don’t have to generate words on the spot:
“That’s hurtful. Do you understand why?”
“I am not a safe place for transphobia.”
“What about me makes you think that I’d find that funny?”
“Trans women are women. Period.”
“Transphobic jokes are not a good look for you.”
We hope you don’t find yourself in spaces where these talking points and scripts are needed, but if you do, we hope you find them helpful. May your holiday season be safe, affirming and teeming with Queer Joy.
Lark Doolan (he/him) is the executive director and coordinator of systemic change at Queer Humboldt.
This article appears in Bitten.