So, you know about the theory of evolution by natural selection, right? A tiny random mutation in an organism’s DNA results in better fitness and gets passed on to future generations, etc. And, after hundreds of millions of years, this process is responsible for the diversity of life on Earth. But who has time for […]
Washed Up
Posted inLife + Outdoors
Shark Evidence
I should warn you that I own a large pack of imaginary dogs. They are all rescue dogs that needed a forever home, so it’s cool. And I’ve taught them not to bark. Instead, they shark. Whenever they see a stranger they go, “SHARK! SHARK! SHARK!” It scares the hell out of people. But I […]
Posted inLife + Outdoors
Naming the Sharky Looking Thing on the Beach
A couple of you may remember my imaginary friend. Well, I had him killed. Every shark I’ve ever found on a local beach ate him alive. He raised his hand in a final act of defiance as he sank into the bloody water, and a salmon shark (Lamna ditropis) bit off his middle finger. Salmon […]
Posted inLife + Outdoors
Dig Those Razor Clams
The other day my imaginary friend said, “Your little stories there in the back pages of the local weekly … They’re OK.” “Just OK?” I asked. “Yeah. They’re too much like beachcomber pornography. You strut onto the beach, instantly presented with fantastic big squids. And your threesome with the lancetfish and spiny dogfish was hot […]
Posted inLife + Outdoors
Your Parasites’ Parasites
If you are presently trying to wake yourself up in a coffee shop, for example, go ahead and fold this paper up and take it home. Wait until you are ready to enjoy a comfortable and worry-free sleep to read this. Okay, now take a deep breath, close your eyes and imagine yourself kicking back […]
Posted inLife + Outdoors
Cannibal Lancetfish
In recognition of the poor eating quality of the longnose lancetfish (Alepisaurus ferox), parts of this story are written in poor taste. Longnose lancetfish, also known as longsnouted lancetfish and cannibal fish, wash up on the beach here occasionally. Their discovery sometimes makes the news. I’ve even seen them correctly identified in a local paper. […]
Posted inLife + Outdoors
Squid Pro Quo
First, I’ll answer a reader’s question about the giant salp from last time: Does it ever get eaten? I answered, “Yes. Everything gets eaten — even you, eventually.” However, I only said that because I’m afraid to say, “I don’t know.” So, I checked the internet. I quickly found a fish called the warty oreo […]
Posted inLife + Outdoors
The Name of the Blob
On a beach somewhere, a colorful blob is washing up and ignorant parents are calling it “a jellyfish” in front of the children, who respond, “That’s not a fish, it’s a cnidarian medusa.” Any respect for Mom and Dad is forever stained. Don’t be those parents. Arm yourself with the following. Medusae Your classic “jellyfish” […]