North Coast Almanack

March 1. Australians prefer not to begin their seasons when the equinox or solstice approaches; they’d rather start them right off at the beginning of the month so as to avoid confusion. Autumn, therefore, begins today in Australia, ready or not. The darkness approaches, the waning of the light, the drawing near of cold. As […]

Feb. 15. In either the Heavy Industrial or Agriculture-Exclusive zones of the city of Ferndale, it is permitted to operate a hog farm, turkey farm, fur farm or frog farm. No definition of “frog farm” is given. The children of that city are advised to consider seriously the career of frog farmer and to undertake […]

Feb. 1. The municipal code of the city of Trinidad numbers 565 pages in length, or roughly 1.8 pages per citizen. Much of it is delightful and gratifying reading, particularly the section entitled Expectoration, which states that no person shall expectorate upon any sidewalk, street or floor in public buildings or upon any other public […]

Jan. 16. January Men, you have made it halfway through the month. Do not, under any circumstances, start imagining your first bitterly, shockingly, bracingly cold drink quite yet. Jan. 17. On Nov. 2, 1983, a Republican president named Ronald Reagan signed into law a bill making today a federal holiday in honor of Martin Luther […]

Dec. 16. Birthdate, in 1775, of Jane Austen. You know what to do. Dec. 17. Many small greenhouses pay their bills in winter by filling their empty, sunlit spaces with poinsettias, making them a virtuous purchase for those who wish to make only virtuous purchases during the holiday season. Dec. 18. We are acquainted with […]

Dec. 1. Birthdate, in 1761, of Anna Maria Grosholtz, later known as Madame Tussaud. As a young woman during the French Revolution she found work at the Palais-Royal waxworks, where she helped create exhibits depicting the vain young Queen sitting in her boudoir. Such voyeuristic tableaux incited rage among the Parisians; the bloody revolution that […]

Nov. 18. Among the summer bulbs soon to be available, none is finer in our climate than the dahlia. Why it flourishes here is something of a mystery; one pictures it in warmer, nearly tropical settings, but somehow it has decided that the seaside works well enough and it thrives, putting out flowers larger than […]

Nov. 1. Tomorrow you will be asked to make a very interesting decision. The appeal of taking an illegal operation and bringing it into the bright light of legitimate commerce is what tempts many of us to vote in favor of it. One envisions clean, well-lit, ecologically sound greenhouses and coffeehouses, frequented by tourists and […]

Oct. 15. To fashion a cucumber into a rose, slice a long, thin strip from end to end (known in some vegetable garnish circles as a tongue) and roll it tightly so that it forms the shape of a rosette. Pinch the bottom together with a toothpick and proceed. Oct. 16. The only sensible way […]

Oct. 1. If any summer fruit remains on the vine, it must be plucked, washed and dropped immediately into a clean jar, into which the contents of a bottle of below-average vodka should be upended. Taste it that evening and daily thereafter, but do not let it sit for more than a week; time will […]

Sept. 16: The roasted heart of the agave tastes like an artichoke that has been interbred with beef jerky: stringy, smoky and strangely dark. Mezcal, the spirit fermented from the agave, owes its murky lineage to the violent but nonetheless creative clash between Spaniards and Mexican natives. In honor of Mexico’s Independence Day, pour a […]