Seven-O-Heaven‘s “Will” was inspired by recent events at the Occupy Eureka encampment and sent us this ode to Betsy Lambert. It’s kinda childish, but “Will” usually is.

Listen here!

Ode to Betsy Lambert by Andrew Goff

 

UPDATE!!!: Will just sent along the lyrics and chords so that you can all play and sing along (as if you’d want to).

         G                  Em                  C           G
Come gather ’round Humboldt, I’ll tell you a tale               
             G         Em                  C                D
’bout an Occupy camp near the pink county jail               
                   G             Em                       C            G
And how the local news station, they done lifted the veil           
    G               Am              D
by seeking the truth we all crave                       
            D                Am             C               D
Channel 3 asked the question on everyone’s mind               
 G                       Em              D    G
“Who pooped and peed on the bank?”                       

The other news media were all out to lunch
But our own Betsy Lambert acted on a hunch
That the poop in the doorway had been left by the bunch
Of the Occupy camp as a prank
So she shook up their tents and she rattled their camp asking
“Who pooped and peed on the bank?”

The protesters resisted, not sure what to think
But Betsy, determined to find the source of the stink,
Was sure the occupiers would be the first to blink
Somebody had to be blamed!
Since, after all, these were essentially kids, she cried
“Who pooped and peed on the bank?”

The poop’s been bagged up, the pee, it has dried
But the perp’s still at large, we should all run and hide
They might poop on us next, but at least Betsy tried
We all owe her great big ol’ “Thanks.”
But the question’s unanswered, we’re still wonderin’
“Hey, who pooped and peed on the bank?”

Just for context, the video that started it all:

In the Spirit of the Northcoast.

UPDATE: KIEM has claimed copyright on “poop and pee.” So here’s another one:

UPDATE: Oops, lost the pesky thing again. Here’s a fresh one:

UPDATE: Another day, another scrub. Here’s more poop and pee:

And finally, a transcript:

Red Shirt Guy: “… peeing on us everyday.”
Punk Mullet Dude: “No one pooped on the bank.”
Red Shirt Guy: “So, why…”
Betsy Lambert: “Why was…
Punk Mullet Dude: “There was pee. (giggle)”
Betsy Lambert: “There was pee on it?”
Red Shirt Guy: “How ’bout…”
Betsy Lambert: “How do you know there was pee on it?”
Red Shirt Guy: “How ’bout as a journalist…” 
Betsy Lambert: “How do you know there was pee on it?”
Red Shirt Guy: “How ’bout as a neutral journalist…” 
Betsy Lambert: “Well you just said, you just said, you know there was pee on it. How do you know there was pee on it?”
Punk Mullet Dude: “I didn’t say that. You said ‘how did I know?'”
Betsy Lambert: “You said “nobody pooped.” How do you know there was pee on it?”
Punk Mullet Dude: “Maybe I lied.”
Red Shirt Guy: “I’d like to point out to anybody watching this is really bunk journalism.”
Punk Mullet Dude: “Yeah, it is.”
Red Shirt Guy: “You come up to…”
Betsy Lambert: “I… um…”
Upturned Bill: “I didn’t even hear about this ’til now.”
Red Shirt Guy: “You want to ask us a question? Come up and soundbite us.”
Betsy Lambert: “We’re asking… I’m asking…”
Red Shirt Guy: “Yeah, so I’m giving you an answer. The banks…”
Betsy Lambert: “Who pooped on the bank?”
Red Shirt Guy: “I’m telling you the banks poo and pee on us everyday of the year.”
Kelly May: “I saw them pick it up.”
Punk Mullet Dude: “Really? I’m sure you did.”
Betsy Lambert: “So, did you go and do that to them then?”
Red Shirt Guy: “I have no idea. I have no knowledge of what you’re talking about. All I’m taking to you about…”
Betsy Lambert: “But I’m… So, answer my question.”
Red Shirt Guy: “To me, the bigger question is: Who is really oppressing who?
Betsy Lambert: “Answer my question.”
Red Shirt Guy: “And who is really pooping on who here?”
Betsy Lambert: “Answer my question.”
Red Shirt Guy: “Yeah, I’ll…”
Betsy Lambert: “Did someone from this camp spread feces and pee on US Bank.”
Red Shirt Guy: “I have absolutely no knowledge of that happening.”
Betsy Lambert: “Do you know of that?”
Clean Beanie Man: “That’s the first I’m hearing of it.”
Red Shirt Guy: “What I do know is that the banks are pooping on us everyday.”
Betsy Lambert: “Ok, you’re not answering my question.”
Punk Mullet Dude: “The banks shit on people.”
Betsy Lambert: Do you know of someone pooping and peeing on the bank?”
Brown Shirt: “I have no idea.”
Betsy Lambert: “Oh, get this.”
(background chant): “The banks poop on us. The banks poop on us. The banks poop on us.”
Kelly May: “So are you saying…”
Betsy Lambert: “So are you saying that since they pooped on you, you are pooping on the bank?”
Red Shirt Guy: “No, no. I didn’t say that.”
Betsy Lambert: “Then why are you saying that?”
Red Shirt Guy: “No, I said the banks poop on us.”
Betsy Lambert: “Then why are you saying that.”
Red Shirt Guy: “Because I have no way… I don’t know… I have no idea what you’re talking about. You’re coming here talking about poop and pee on the banks. I’m saying, hey, if anything the banks are the ones pooping on us everyday.”
Betsy Lambert: “The police have pictures.”
Red Shirt Guy: “Great.”
Betsy Lambert: “They have this on surveillance, so who did it?”
Red Shirt Guy: “I have no knowledge of any of it. I have no knowledge about any of it.”
Betsy Lambert: “Ok, ok. Let’s go see some.”
(background voice): “… in the Sentinel?”
(background voice): “The Sentinel?”
(background voice): “That was not in the Sentinel.”
Red Shirt Guy: “This is bunk journalism.”
Betsy Lambert: “See, this is…
Kelly May: “Go tell them that.”
Betsy Lambert: “Who pooped and peed on the bank? Did you poop and pee on the bank?”
Tent Sleeper: “?”
Betsy Lambert: “Did you? Do you know anyone that did it that?”
Tent Sleeper: “Why would I poop and pee on the bank?”
Betsy Lambert: “Just wondering if anyone knows.”
Betsy Lambert: “Do you know if someone pooped and peed on the bank?”
Jumbo Nolan: “No comment.”
Betsy Lambert: “No comment?”
Jumbo Nolan: “Now get that fucking camera outta…”
Betsy Lambert: “Hey!
Kelly May: “Hey!”
Betsy Lambert: “Hey! That is assault! Hold on! I am arresting… I am… Excuse me!”
Jumbo Nolan: ” You get that camera out of my face!”
Betsy Lambert: Excuse me!
Red Shirt Guy: “He’s asking… You were assaulting him too…”
Betsy Lambert: “No! He just grabbed the camera!”
Red Shirt Guy: “Just give each other space. Give each other space.”
Betsy Lambert: “Are you recording?”
Kelly May: “Yes.”
Betsy Lambert: “You’re recording. Nope, you just grabbed the camera. That went too far. That went too far. You need to know that went too far. Too far! We are asking questions. You went too far.”
Red Shirt Guy: “I didn’t do anything.”
Betsy Lambert: “You went too far.”
Red Shirt Guy: “I came over and tried to chill him out.”
Betsy Lambert: “You went too far.”
Red Shirt Guy: “You guys came here to stir up trouble.”
Kelly May: “No we didn’t.”
Red Shirt Guy: You didn’t come up here and say, hey, guys, I’d like to talk to you. This is a question we have. The reality is the banks are pooping on us everyday. That is the message that’s important here. Not corporate media coming in here harassing people until they get upset.”
Betsy Lambert: “You guys want us to do news on you. We’re doing news, k?”
Red Shirt Guy: “This is not news. I’m sorry, this is not news. This is you coming and trying to harass people in their tents and putting cameras in their face!”
Betsy Lambert: “We’re walking through your camp.”
Red Shirt Guy: “Nobody knows about the poop and the pee!”
Kelly May: “The police did.”
Red Shirt Guy: “Yeah, we don’t. We don’t.”
Betsy Lambert: (on the phone) “I’m not kidding you we just got grabbed. We got it on camera. We’re at the, um, courthouse. Right in front of the courthouse. We were asking them if they pooped and peed and the guy grabbed us. Grabbed the camera.”
Kelly May: “He said, “Get that f’ing camera out of here.”
Betsy Lambert: “Thank you. Bye bye.”
Red Shirt Guy: “They can film, whatever. If they’re like shoving cameras in people’s faces.”
Punk Mullet Dude: “They can, but we told her we didn’t appreciate it.”
Betsy Lambert: “It doesn’t matter. This is public property.”
Red Shirt Guy: “I agree.”
Betsy Lambert: “That fact that, listen…”
Kelly May: “Just wait ’til the police get here.”
Betsy Lambert: “Let me make this point: The fact that you guys feel like you have the right to be here? We have the right to be here to.”
Calm Black Shirt: “I’m not saying you don’t.”
Betsy Lambert: “So you don’t need to grab our camera.”
Black Shirt Guy: “Ok, there was one person.”
Betsy Lambert: “I don’t care! That just happened here!”
Black Shirt Guy: “I agree. I agree and I’m going to…”
Kelly May: “The police are still coming.”
Betsy Lambert: “No, let’s just walk over here.”
Black Shirt Guy: “That’s fine. I’m sorry that happened.”

https://youtube.com/watch?v=huwDihrrR_k

This article appears in Why Do People Hate Kirk Girard?.

Join the Conversation

66 Comments

  1. EPIC! The news lady will be immortalized in poop and pee, she needs it on her demo reel! A big future in news reporting!

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  6. It’s unfortunate the Lost Coast Outpost chose to repeat the nasty things Gawker said about Betsy. She went out and got her job done and held her own in a difficult situation.

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  9. It appears that here in Humboldt County we have new #1 in the #2 business. Sorry Steve’s Septic Service.

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  10. @ jimi Betsey is a terrible reporter, and thanks to her ineptitude now I had to explain to my child that it inappropriate to ask people who pooped or peed on a bank !?! Extra uncomfortable to explain to a 6 year old that the correct way to phase it would be “vandalism”. I honestly hope KIEM understands they have made Eureka look like a comic back water.

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  11. If Betsy’s footage is what passes for “journalism” in Humboldt County, I am embarrassed to admit I saw it. Thank God for independent newspapers.

    Great song guys!

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  13. Pure gold… If you would like to record it at an occupation like Cash did at Folsom Prison let me know. This is big time. 🙂

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  14. Jimi, Betsy Lambert’s behavior and choice of words are so far from professional that it’s an embarrassment to our community.

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  15. Well, it looked like her story was a-threatnin’ to die

    When a big New York website, it took up the cry

    Now the nation is hollerin’ for answers to why

    And to when and to where and to what

    And they ain’t gonna stop ’til Bets nails his butt, he

    Who pooped and peed on the bank.

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  16. Zero evidence that it was anyone from Occupy Eureka, just the accusations of an 80 year old police captain (who sent his swat team down to stand vigil at the bank)

    But if you care is stolen or boken into in Eureka, they won’t send a cop to your house to fill out a report…

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  22. I cannot believe that a reporter would ask such a question. She is treating those people like they are children. Worse yet, she is not focusing on what is important…the Occupy Movement. Like they say sh..t happens. She should be reporting on what is needed to support the movement….to help those who are vigilant in the fight against the corporate greed.

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  24. Hey, I’m over fifty, have a couple of college degrees and I am definitely not a stoner. I was born and raised in Humboldt County, and we have never appreciated transplants such as Betsy coming in and speaking down to the natives. While I have not lived in California since 1989, Ms. Lambert’s tone and condescending attitude gave me chilling flashbacks to my days when tourists and transplanted students would speak down to me because I was a native. Betsy Lambert’s style of journalism is as yellow as dog or human urine. Channel 3 has a true loser for a hire there.

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  28. But we are a comic backwater! (Angry Parent)

    Maybe Miss Lambert didn’t handle this with the most professional, journalistic aplomb–and that KIEM even let this segment air is beyond me–but hopefully, the incident, parody & bad press will serve as significant learning experience for Lambert & News Channel 3. A lesson in how not to do ‘hard-hitting, investigative journalism’. (That’s what it was trying to be, right?)

    That said, let’s keep the love in this. The song is silly and not pointedly cruel, but some comments here seem particularly mean-spirited toward Lambert personally. I couldn’t imagine how she might feel. Could you? I’d be mortified, especially here in our tiny community where at most we’re often just a couple degrees from one another.

    So, Ms. Lambert, keep your head up. Forget the haters. Next time, you’ll know better. You will. And when I see you at ENF, the post office or some community event, I’ll still smile and look you in the eye. I will.

    Compassion.

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  31. Ms Lambert’s tone through the clip is shrill, angry, and on edge. She seems to lack a professional demeanor and I doubt it would help to get her hired in a larger market. Storming around demanding answers like a scolding mother isn’t journalism.

    I suggest OE have an Information Table to handle the press and anyone else “demanding” answers to questions. That way the press and protesters are protected from one another.

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  33. And over on Twitter, it’s all #DefeGate

    And down in the comments there’s oh so much hate

    Suggesting her skills might not be quite first-rate

    But her fans take those critics to task

    Reminding us who had the gumption to ask…

    Who pooped and peed on the bank!

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  34. @Jimi: How do you figure that Josephine’s comment “came from the same source as all the hate comments?”

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  38. OK, Ryan, it’s your site.

    You already noticed I said Josephine’s comment came from the same “source,” not the same “computer.” Then she called or emailed or even dropped by in person.

    To Josephine and Terri: You might be decent people under the sway of false flag creeps. Free your mind.

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  39. This woman was obviously working for the Corporate Mainstream News which cannot handle the Fact that the Occupy Movement got Bank of America to back down from it’s plan to add the new $5 Credit Card Fee to all of its clients.

    This interview is so pathetic on the part of the news station that it goes without saying.

    Note: The other banking Corps. like Chase are also backing off on the new Greed Fee they were going to charge if Bank of America went forward. We owe the Occupy Wall Street Movement a lot for doing this.

    They are out there braving the cold weather trying to do something about the Banks, Corporations and Wall Street that got all of our homes lower 50% in value as the Bush Gang was fleeing the burning building.

    The OWS people should be interviewed on a dignified basis with Pertinent Questions about
    the movement.

    In the past 2 and 1/2 years I have yet to see a News Media person asking a Banker or Wall Street CEO if he or she Stole money from their clients.

    To ask the OWS this kind of question and not ask Wall Street the pertinent questions only shows how out of touch mainstream media news is. Either that or it shows how pathetically conniving they can be
    in trying to protect the monied interests that hire them.

    I am proud of these young people for their attempts on behalf of all of us who are too afraid or too old to get out there and raise the awarness.

    Before this movement appeared;
    I was beginning to think I was living in a land of Fatted Cattle, just standing around chewing their cuds waiting for the slaughter house train to haul them away for more butchery.

    Be glad they are here. Especially if you yourself have not done anything about the people who lowered the value of your home by 50 per cent.

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  40. Also good lulz is what a crappy trailer park kiem looks like. Drive by their offices on humboldt hill its actually rather pathetic. Also @ jimi do you has server access and can check mac and ip addies or are you just full of it? Or omg I get,it you are that joke reporters boyfriend.

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  41. I gotta say, human beings are allowed to make mistakes. It’s what we do.
    When you stand behind a mistake several times, and try to defend it, well then you’re not really learning from that mistake. Betsy has shown us that she has not learned from this fiasco because SHE IS THE ONE WHO RELEASED THIS VIDEO (the report that went along with it was hilarious), and believes she is in the right. And seriously, where is Dave Silverbrand? We need some actual journalists on our local news, so lets try to hire them from this area, okay Pollack-Belz?

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  42. Betsy has such a Patronizing attitude. Her righteous indignation about someone’s poop is hilarious. hahahahahahaha
    So insulting and rude of her to ask if the guy in the tent if he personally pooped on the bank!!!
    Good thing the protesters were more polite than Betsy.
    I was impressed by the self control of the protesters, actually.

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  44. Wow! Someone needs to maybe take some more classes or watch some news reels on how to be ummmm well not sure what she was trying to be. Funny song. Well played.
    Lets hope she learns from this what NOT to do.

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  47. Betsy is a disgrace to our community. Wandering in to the camp to try to shame them. What a corporate farce of a reporter.

    FIRE HER!

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  49. Fire that joke of a reporter, shame on the blogs and papers that spam her insults as either a joke or the news.

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  50. If she would have just admitted how stupid it was and wasn’t trying to play the victim card now I might be able to let it slide. But she’s going on and on now about being attacked and how she was for the movement before and now with all of the violence she is against it. duh.

    She knew damn well what kind of image she was painting with that crap excuse for journalism, and now she’s all pissy just because the whole country is paying attention to it.

    Welcome to the real world you big mouthed twit, either admit your mistake or suffer all of the criticism for the rest of your short career.

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  53. Get a car, fill it with people, take them to Wall Street. If you are willing and able. GO NOW. Don’t hurt nobody. Don’t get hurt. November 17th is the day we close the stock exchange.

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  54. Great song. Its pure genius really. Took all that weird energy I got from seeing that “news” piece and redirected it to the mockery of sheer foolishness. I see now that KIEM has a copyright claim removing their silly video. Ha ha ha!

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  56. How is it that both “journalists” in this incident still have their jobs? They’re an absolute disgrace to their profession. They aren’t even nice people.

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