No Disrespect

(July 25, 2019) Would you like to learn how to talk to fish like I do? It's easy. Try starting with small talk like, "Sorry about that hook in your face, buddy. How's...

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Every Agate Hunter for Themselves

(June 13, 2019) I don't usually advocate violence. But beachcombing for agates is one of my exceptions. Use the following info and tips to get an edge on the retirees and their horrible...

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The Mink Mystery

(May 9, 2019) I dumped my old imaginary friend. My new one is a woman. She's great. You'll meet her in a sec. She helped me solve the greatest mystery of my local...

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Studying Sammy the Crab

And tips for my alien abductors

(April 18, 2019) I can tell from comments on my previous story that space aliens read this paper. So I'm providing them with my abduction instructions here. (Pro-tip for other Chosen Ones: Clip...

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Steller Sea Lyin'

Roomy enough to sleep in

(March 14, 2019) Some people hunt for meat and some people hunt for trophies — or both, or whatever. They tend to get the proper licenses, take safety classes and all of...

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Interview with a Sand Dollar

(February 14, 2019) Things got a little "out there" last week and I found myself kneeling in wet sand having a conversation with a washed-up Pacific sand dollar (Dendraster excentricus). We talked...

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The Violet Snail Conspiracy

(January 10, 2019) When it comes to snail appreciation, there are three types of people. Type 1 people display no curiosity about snails and don't want to learn anything new anyway. Fortunately, these...

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Marine Life Diversity

And the wildly imaginative hula skirt

(December 13, 2018) My imaginary friend heard me call him a wacky conspiracy theorist. But he's a good imaginary friend so we had a long heart-to-heart. I suggested that his critical thinking could...

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Sea Turtle Lovin'

(November 8, 2018) Sometimes distant things on the beach aren't what they first seem to be. For example, I recently thought I saw a washed-up great white shark. But it turned out...

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You're No Mola

(October 11, 2018) Evolutionary history" is probably a terrible phrase to begin a lighthearted natural history story with. But maybe if I throw in live fish disc golf, that will keep your...

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Fish, I Might Be

The small, deadly pufferfish

(September 13, 2018) Hi there. I'm your friendly neighborhood pufferfish from the family of fishes called Tetraodontidae. You'd probably like to learn something interesting about me. For example, my family has the fewest...

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