Molluscs and Murder

(October 15, 2020) Well, I was acquitted of murder again. This time I had beaten a man to death with my bare knuckles because he called a scallop a "clam." The judge agreed...

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Raised by Otters

(September 17, 2020) Over the years I have found three dead North American river otters (Lontra canadensis) washed up on local beaches. One of them had worn teeth, so may have lived...

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Bagging a Lingcod Skull

(August 6, 2020) Woohoo! I got me a professional beachcombing sponsorship. The good folks at Drip-Block Plastic Bags will cover all my beach-related expenses and I just have to be a pretty face,...

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Pandemic Beach Finds

(June 25, 2020) I was born on the beach. Actually, it was about 4 feet above the beach. My mother was a competitive beach volleyball player. She leapt for a big spike...

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Pass the Eelgrass

(March 5, 2020) Pssst! Hey man, wanna smoke some eelgrass?" asked an imaginary stranger. I was like, "Why would I? And who are you, anyway?" "I represent all of your imaginary friends, relatives,...

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Wiener Dog of the Sea

Aka harbor porpoises

(January 30, 2020) Once while wading in a little cove during a beautiful sunrise, I noticed a harbor porpoise swimming surprisingly close to me. And she had a tiny baby porpoise at...

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Sexy, Sexy Herring

(December 12, 2019) I sometimes ask myself whether I'm beautiful. It's always a short conversation. Then I wonder what exactly "beauty" is anyway. I'm wondering about attractiveness, or "sexual beauty." But that isn't...

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Witch/Fossil Hunt!

Beachcombing for the real thing

(October 31, 2019) I apologize in advance to anyone who didn't want to be transported to this alternate universe just now. But you can relax because the only difference between this new universe...

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