An Ugly Clam by Any Other Name

(September 16, 2021) My buddy Castration Jones is here to judge whether the northwest ugly clam (Entodesma navicula) is poorly named. You may recall that previously, Mr. Jones, who is an authority on...

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Purple Urchin Profits

(August 5, 2021) As you may know, due largely to the loss of its primary predator to sea star wasting disease, the population of purple urchins ( Strongylocentrotus purpuratus) has exploded along the...

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Orca vs. Whale

(June 24, 2021) There are two types of people in this world: There are people who would be horrified to witness a pod of orcas attacking a baby whale and ripping out its...

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Bull Kelp vs. Bullshit

And what's living in the holdfast

(May 13, 2021) Climate change-related shitstorms are not funny. So if you came here for humor this week, you'll have better chances reading the crossword puzzle. I know someone will say, "But...

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Life as a Beach

(April 8, 2021) I woke up this morning to find that I'm no longer human. I'm a beach! I'm a dynamic beach with large surf breaking over me. The waves erode the large...

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The Monkey and the Pipefish

(March 11, 2021) I enjoy beachcombing for many reasons but walking in sand isn't one of them. So I hired an out-of-work circus monkey named Frank to help me. He's super cute in...

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The Beachcombing Olympics

(February 4, 2021) The 2024 Olympic qualifying trials in beachcombing are about to start right here in Humboldt! I'm hoping to represent Team USA in the 10,000-meter freestyle beachcomb. I'm up against a...

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Surf Smelt Crime Spree

(January 7, 2021) I've noticed recently that once a person commits enough crimes in plain sight, all their subsequent crimes are basically freebies. One life sentence, 12 life sentences ... who cares? And...

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Getting Out of Your Shell

(December 10, 2020) I answered the doorbell and found Wonder Woman standing there in full costume. She explained that she was a space alien telepathically disguising herself. In order to gain acceptance, they...

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Purple Baby Boom

(November 12, 2020) Purple surf happens. I've seen it only once locally — in July about five years ago. But purple scum on the beach last month could indicate that it had happened...

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Molluscs and Murder

(October 15, 2020) Well, I was acquitted of murder again. This time I had beaten a man to death with my bare knuckles because he called a scallop a "clam." The judge agreed...

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