Farewell from McKinley's Statue

(February 28, 2019) Oh, hi. Well, this is awkward. I mean, I figured we'd run into each other at the farmers market or whatever before I left. That's breaking up in Humboldt...

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Why I Will Not be Using Your Preferred Pronouns

(February 14, 2019) We've been friends for a long time and when you announced that you are non-binary I wanted to be a supportive ally. Remember, I was one of the first people...

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Welcome to the Stone Cleanse®

FAQ for beginners

(January 17, 2019) Here at Stone Cleanse® Ranch, our goal is wellness through the limitless power of Nature (copyright pending), drawing wisdoms from other cultures so you don't have to interact with them....

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Yelp Reviews of Christmas Dinner at Carol's House

(December 27, 2018) Scott P. ★★★★★ Amazing!!! This was hands-down the best Christmas dinner ever. The ham was — sorry, Gramma, RIP — even better without the pineapple and maraschino cherries. The conversation...

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Mindful Bitchface

(October 18, 2018) After a lifetime of strangers scurrying from my path, coworkers asking if I'm angry with them and people looking back at me with a panicked "What?" I accepted my diagnosis....

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The Right Time to Come Forward with Your Sexual Assault

(October 4, 2018) So you've been on the receiving end of unwanted sexual contact — what the U.S. Bureau of Justice defines as sexual assault. The Centers for Disease Control estimates you're...

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Facebook Update

(June 7, 2018) Hello. Mark Zuckerberg here with a few announcements about our Facebook community. Call me Mark, though. Many humans call me Mark. Just kidding. About the humans. It's been a...

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The Cat Would Like to Open a Dialogue

(May 31, 2018) Let me start by saying I am here to listen and this is a safe space. I want you to know that and feel comfortable. Maybe you could start by...

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Realistic Sex Robots to Save Us All

A word from your friends at HotBotix Engineering

(May 17, 2018) The Southern Poverty Law Center has categorized "incels," involuntarily celibate men who share and promote a virulently misogynist and violent ideology, as a male supremacist hate group. Self-proclaimed members of...

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Breakup Letter from President McKinley's Statue

(April 12, 2018) Dear Arcata, I didn't want to do this by letter but I know if I try to get this all out in person, I'll freeze up. We've had a good...

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Good Guy with a Howitzer

A proposal for private tank ownership

(March 22, 2018) Dear President Trump: I have been retired for more than 15 years and I need a hobby. I thought about trout fishing or bird watching, but they are too benign....

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