Quiz Me 

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• brains

So, like, you know how you've got that friend whose brain is full of useless facts and dominates every time you're foolish enough to challenge him to a game of Trivial Pursuit. Dude, I'm totally that guy. Green wedge, pink wedge, orange wedge -- it don't matter. I complete my pie so fast I should start a bakery. #Zing!

Which is why you'd be foolish to challenge my team at this Tuesday's Great Humboldt Trivia Challenge at Cher-ae Heights Casino. We got this thang locked up. But if you'd like to give it a shot, doors open at 5:30 p.m. After enjoying a posh tri-tip buffet dinner and no-host bar, teams of three will compete over three rounds of grueling trivia. Price tag to enter your crew is $300 with proceeds benefiting the Humboldt Literacy Project, where they help other folks get smarter.

Uh oh. What's this in my inbox? Why it's some sample questions sent over by the judges! Ready to witness brilliance? Without Googling, I'mma knock these pitches out of the park.

Their examples:

HLP: 1. What was Abraham Lincoln's middle name?

AG: Uh, pretty sure it was Ford.

HLP: 2. The hummingbird typically feeds at approximately how many flowers each day?

AG: Ooh, those little things? Couldn't be more than 20, right? 

HLP: 3. Who was the original host of the game show Jeopardy! in 1964?

AG: Greg Kihn.

HLP: 4. What was Eureka's highest temperature on record?

AG: Tepid. 

HLP: 5. What is the world's smallest primate?

AG: The ring-tailed gnat. 

Winning! What do I win?

For more info on Humboldt Literacy Project or to enter your Trivia Challenge Team, check out www.humlit.org.

Actual answers: 1: Trick question: He didn't have one; 2: More than 1,500; 3: Art Fleming; 4: 87º; 5: Madame Berthe's Mouse Lemur from Madagascar; average body length is 3.6".