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It's that time again! The NCJ has two pairs of tickets for the upcoming Humboldt Roller Derby bout on Saturday, Feb. 15 at 7 p.m. Your local derby stars, The Redwood Rollers, will be competing against the Oakland Outlaws. You might even call it a "battle of the bays." Maybe. We'll see if it catches on.

These tickets are pretty coveted, so we can't just give them out to anybody. You gotta earn these tickets. We wanna make this fun, though, because fun is the true spirit of Humboldt Roller Derby. So, here's the deal: Everyone has until midnight, Friday Feb. 14 to come up with the best caption for this photo:

On Saturday morning, bright and early, the NCJ will pick the best/funniest/wittiest/craftiest captions from the bunch. We won't just pick all willy-nilly; a huge part of our decision will come from the number of "likes" each caption gets,

There is one caveat, though: we're not looking for the most offensive caption. No matter how many likes the offensive captions get, we won't consider them contenders. In fact, offensive captions will be deleted. The authors of the two best captions win the tickets (one pair for each winner). Easypeasy. 

So, what are you waiting for?! Bring on the wit and get captioning already. Geez. 

It falls on a Friday this year, and there's no avoiding the pink menace. Instead of hiding because you're single, revel in the fun to be had. Spend the evening with like-minded individuals and who knows?

The Humboldt Hookup with Sherae O'Shaughnessy is at Six Rivers Brewery on Friday, Feb. 14 at 8 p.m. with all kinds of flirtatious fun that people in monogamous relationships have to forgo. Take that, happy couples.

Looking for something more classic but with a little brass? How about some Bach via brass and pipe organ over at HSU? Pipes from the Heart is free and starts at Armstrong Hall at 8 p.m. on Friday. There's even going to be chocolate.

Maybe this is a good time to invest in yourself. Or to cover up that tat of your ex's name on your shoulder. The Inked Hearts Tattoo Expo is at Blue Lake Casino from 11 a.m. to 10 p.m. Friday and Saturday, and from 11 a.m. to 6 p.m. Sunday. Browse the work of fancy tattoo artists, get inspired — maybe even find the one (tattoo) you'll love forever.

We get it. You don't want to buy into the corporate greeting card monster that is Valentine's Day. But the truth is, even if you don't buy a plush bear with a satin heart, it won't really hurt Hallmark. The industrial holiday gift complex is too big to feel.

Your beloved will, however, feel it. Here are a few ideas on how not to blow Valentine's Day while avoiding consumerist madness.

Old School: Grab a box of See's chocolates at the American Cancer Society Discovery Shop in Henderson Center. A portion of sales goes to help cancer patients. Give a pound of assorted chocolates ($18) to a loved one or just burn through a box yourself in an act of charity.

Everybody Loves Cake: Boujie Bakery, the one with the goodies made from beer, is having a Valentine's sale with 15 percent of profits going to CASA of Humboldt. Which also means 15 percent of the calories don't count. That's just science.

Showstopper: Have you seriously screwed up lately? Or maybe your sweetie just loves a big gesture. Arcata-McKinleyville Orchestra and the Arcata High Madrigal Choir are offering Valentunes — a crew of singers and musicians to serenade your darling for a mere $15 (extra for chocolates and flowers). Call 633-5551 to set it up or go to armack.org.

Photo by Chris Tuite

Oh, Strix Vega. One of Humboldt County's most enduring bands and for good reasons. They're talented, they're attractive and the trio's repertoire has grown to contain both long-form instrumental intricacies for music nerds and lush sing-alongables for those of us more hook-inclined. 

Prime your infatuation with this video by the Journal's Bob Doran:


Joining Strix Vega is Oakland's Muncie, who comes advertised as purveyors of "soul twang." They look real nice in the stunningly smiley photo adorning the top of their Bandcamp page and the songs served up do have some twang, that is true. This gig is at the Alibi, so it'll start after 11 p.m. Cover's $5 and yes, you must be of legal drinking age or older.

One more highlight before we leave you: Corinne West with Jeri Jones and Pam Delgado of Blame Sally land in the Arcata Playhouse. Known as "The Siren of the Sierras," West's voice invokes angels, if angels had a dangerous side. With her long, dark tresses and unsmiling visage, you know she's serious about taking you somewhere — it's not a surprise to learn she started her career tearing it up in hard rock bands before finding her niche in the global acoustic scene. Read more of her storied history here.

At once spacious and intimate, the Playhouse has a well-deserved reputation for being one of Humboldt's most delightful venues. Should be an excellent show.

Music's at 8 p.m. Tickets are $15 general and $13 members. Pick them up at Wildberries, Wildwood Music or through brownpapertickets.com.

The 2014 Sochi Olympics became a source of entertainment before the official start of any of the games. From unfinished roadways to double-toileted bathroom stalls, the Internet has been flooded with pictures of the sort of mayhem generally only found in the 1986 comedy The Money Pit. It's yet to be seen if the slipshod attempts at construction will extend to the games themselves, but the odds seem pretty good. 

For the next two weeks, the Sochi Olympics will dominate the media, but they aren't on all of the time. There will be lulls during the daylight hours and the staff of NCJ has some suggestions for how to spend your non-Olympic time.


Jennifer Fumiko Cahill:

The Cutting Edge (1992) Stories of athletic prowess and victory are good and all, but it's just not the same without a completely unnecessary love story.  After a hockey player (D.B. Sweeney) injures himself in the 1988 Olympics, his only chance for winning Olympic gold is to train to become a figure skater. In a partnership that echoes the dynamic of Swayze and Grey in Dirty Dancing, Sweeney teams up with a spoiled and struggling figure skater (Moira Kelly). Romance and cheesery ensue, sprinkled with patriotism and a lingering need to remain superior to Russians (Hollywood doesn't care if The Cold War is over).

As corny and '90s-hair-filled as this movie is, it still manages to wriggle its way into the hearts of most viewers. Four sequels have been made in the last 22 years, all with a quality that should have sent them straight to DVD. You'd think audiences would just be clamoring for all the figure skating movies they could get their hands on, but for some reason that fervor just isn't reflected in the box office. 

The ending of The Cutting Edge is likely the most disappointing part. They wrap the love aspect of the movie up in a cute little bow, but they leave the sports plot hanging. Maybe they're trying to say that nobody loses in love, or winning is important or some other crap.  Who knows? In case you doubt the disappointment, check out the film's finale:

Grant Scott-Goforth:
Cool Runnings (1993): Keeping with Goforth's theme of choosing the best movie before anyone else does, GSG picked the obvious frontrunner. Disney, Jamaican stereotypes and John Candy all combine forces to make one of the most beloved movies of all 30-somethings in the States. It's a pretty loosely adapted version of the story of the actual first Jamaican bobsled team. It builds on the whole theory that people from hot places can't do things from cold places. You know, that classic scenario. The movie practically writes itself.

Like so many sports film before and after, Cool Runnings takes the brilliance of The Odd Couple and applies it to athletics. Derice Bannock (Leon) is an injured Jamaican sprinter. Irving Blitzer (John Candy) is a washed-up former Olympic cheater who has taken up hermitage in Jamaica. Both men cling to their egos while trying to put together a rag-tag (Doug E. Doug, Rawle D. Lewis and Malik Yoba) bobsledding team for the upcoming Olympics. Will Blitzer cheat again? Will Bannock bring victory back to his island home and prove the entire world wrong about their assumptions? Will Doug E. Doug keep talking to that egg for the whole movie?



Heidi Walters:

The Other Side of the Mountain (1975): This one hits you right in the gut/heart, which is probably to be expected considering the heaviness of the metaphorical title. The mountain in this film is both physical (the mountain that paralyzed the main character) and metaphorical (the mountain of adversity the main character must overcome). Double-whammy. While preparing for the 1956 Winter Olympics, Jill Kinmont (Marilyn Hassett) nearly dies in a downhill skiing crash. She's left paralyzed, alienated and despondent. Can she still find love and companionship? Will her life still have a purpose? Which Bridges brother is that? It's Beau. The not-Big Lebowski one. 

The real kicker is that this is a true story. An embellished true story, sure, but Kinmont's injury and devastation are as real as you can get. This film is more about the human condition than it is about the Olympics, but it most definitely still qualifies for this list. If GSG can claim Life of Brian for NCJ's Christmas film list, then Walters definitely gets to nominate The Other Side of the Mountain.

Now, if she'd named the awkward and unnecessary sequel, The Other Side of the Mountain 2, then we'd definitely be reconsidering her reliability as a source of film references. The sequel does not compare, even in the slightest. 
 
Dev Richards:


Miracle on Ice (1981): Admittedly, this is technically a TV movie, but we can't hold that it against it. If we discounted every TV movie from the film zeitgeist we'd have to toss out Roots and And the Band Played On. That's a dangerous precedent. 

The movie is based on a true story like so many of the others on this list. Cold War tension was high at the 1980 Lake Placid Olympics and the US' defeat of the Soviet Union's hockey team was considered a patriotic landmark. If we couldn't top them politically, at least we could beat them at a game that isn't native to either either home country.  

Without a doubt, some of you are saying, "Didn't they make an actual film version of this? And, wasn't it monumentally better?" Yes and no. Disney release a Miracle in 2004 starring Kurt Russell and Patricia Clarkson. 

Is it better? No. It may be less corny and less grainy (video really didn't do the '80s any favors), but it's not better.  One, the remake did not feature Steve Guttenberg, who's adds novelty to every film he's in regardless of whether novelty is appropriate or not. Secondly, though Russell can hold his own (we've all seen and fallen in love with him in Overboard), he just doesn't compare to Karl Malden (On the Waterfront, How the West Was Won, Patton). 

Perhaps the true tragedy of the remake is that it is now the only result that pops up when you search "Miracle on Ice" on YouTube. As far as the internet is concerned, the original TV movie barely existed. So, in lieu of a trailer for the original, here is a video of the actual olympic victory.  

Ah, Venice. The canals, the art, the history, the music. Haven't got the Euros to pop over to the Bridge of Sighs? Sigh. Lucky for you, the Venice Baroque Orchestra will be making beautiful music at the Van Duzer Theatre on Saturday, Feb. 8 at 8 p.m. ($55, $25 kids, $15 HSU students).

The orchestra, led by founding conductor Andrea Marcon, has been playing 18th century music as it was meant to be played — on the period instruments for which the pieces were composed — since 1997. Marcon also plays a small and gorgeous harpsichord on stage, just one of the works of art the orchestra totes around the globe to performances in Paris, Rome, London, Amsterdam, Tokyo and Brooklyn. (What? Brooklyn's come up.)

The group plays the opulent works of Handel, Monteverdi and Vivaldi (minus the castrati) and records with luminaries like Cecilia Bartoli and Patricia Petibon. And you get to leave your passport behind and enjoy the music of the doges right here at home.