Green Cross
Hospitalization. Has your orchid refused to bloom for three years? Is your ficus tree feeling unwell? No problem. Send it off to the hospital and somebody with more skill and compassion will nurse it back to health. And if it dies, they’ll send you home with a younger, more beautiful version of the same plant and you’ll never know the difference. Try that with regular health insurance!
Prescription drug coverage. A t$10 copay for fertilizers, insecticidal soap, and truckloads of compost? Sign me up.
Durable equipment. I do like to buy durable equipment. I’ll need one new pair of pruning shears every three years, a new shovel every five, and replacement gloves once every twelve months. Benches, arbors, and trellises would have to be subject to pre-approval, I suppose.
Mental health and substance abuse services. One could argue that gardening is its own form of mental health treatment, and that substance abuse in the great outdoors is one of the sublime joys of the gardening lifestyle. So perhaps those services are already included at no extra charge.
Pre-existing conditions. Now, here’s the bad news. So much of what goes wrong in my garden is someone else’s fault. The poor soil was here before I was. The weeds come up on their own. The long shadows cast by the house, the passers-by helping themselves to flowers, the fog and the wind and the rain and the drought — all of this will, sadly, be excluded from any gardening insurance plan.
So there we are — the plan hasn’t even begun accepting applications, and it’s already in need of reform. Let the debate begin.
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Today
Lanphere Dunes Restoration
STAFF PICK / outdoors / 9:30 a.m.-12:30 p.m. Meet at Pacific Union School. Help remove non-native invasives at the Lanphere Dunes Unit of the Humboldt Bay National Wildlife Refuge. Tools and gloves provided, wear work clothes and bring water. Carpool to the protected site. 444-1397.
44th Annual Kinetic Grand Championship Race
STAFF PICK / events, art, outdoors, sports, for kids, free / 9 a.m.-6 p.m. A 3-day, 42-mile kinetic sculpture race over land, sand, mud and water! LeMans start at the Noon Whistle on the Arcata Plaza. Follow the race through Manila, Eureka and into Ferndale on Memorial Day for the Glorious Finish. kineticgrandchampionship.com. 889-3024.
Open Gardens
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Organic Gardening Seminar
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