Quite possibly the greatest book ever written on the subject of turtle stacking.

— Lisa Simpson on Yertle the Turtle by Dr. Seuss
A well-known scientist — Bertrand Russell, in one version of the story — was giving a public lecture on astronomy. He described how the earth orbits around the sun, which, in turn, orbits around the center of the Milky Way, one of billions of galaxies. At the end of the lecture, an old lady at the back of the room stood up and said, “You’re completely wrong, young man. The Earth is flat and is supported on the back of a giant turtle.” The astronomer was taken aback, but stepping gamely up to the plate, responded, “I understand, Madam, but can you tell me what the turtle is standing on?” “Another turtle, of course.” Taking a deep breath, he started to say, “Well yes, but …”
“It’s no good, Sonny,” she interrupted. “It’s turtles all the way down!”
The “Turtle Problem” is routinely used as a shorthand phrase for the philosophical notion of “infinite regression.” The idea is that a solution which depends on a never-ending series of similar steps is no solution at all. Take, for instance, the policing problem. To keep the police honest, you need someone to police them, the police-police. But to keep them honest, you need the police-police-police … ad infinitum.
Then there’s the so-called Intelligent Design approach to creation, which claims that a complicated world couldn’t have happened on its own, that it needed a designer, usually referred to as “God.” Since God must be at least as complicated as her/his creation, then God also has a creator, God’s God. Who in turn would have been created by … and we’re back with the Turtle Problem.
STAFF PICK / outdoors / 9:30 a.m.-12:30 p.m. Meet at Pacific Union School. Help remove non-native invasives at the Lanphere Dunes Unit of the Humboldt Bay National Wildlife Refuge. Tools and gloves provided, wear work clothes and bring water. Carpool to the protected site. 444-1397.
STAFF PICK / events, art, outdoors, sports, for kids, free / 9 a.m.-6 p.m. A 3-day, 42-mile kinetic sculpture race over land, sand, mud and water! LeMans start at the Noon Whistle on the Arcata Plaza. Follow the race through Manila, Eureka and into Ferndale on Memorial Day for the Glorious Finish. kineticgrandchampionship.com. 889-3024.
outdoors / 10 a.m.-2 p.m. Humboldt Botanical Gardens, College of the Redwoods, Eureka. Roam the 44-acre fully fenced property. $5. www.hbgf.org. 442-5139.
garden / 11 a.m.-1 p.m. Shafer's Ace Hardware and Garden Center, 2760 E St., Eureka. Free lecture by Duncan McNeill on how to create a healthy environment and healthy soils for your plant’s roots. E-mail shafers@sbcglobal.net. 442-5734.
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