Mammals of Mass Destruction
I fantasize about some of the destructive and illegal gopher eradication methods that I won’t be trying in my backyard. Carbon monoxide poisoning, for example. Hook a garden hose up to the tailpipe, and run the other end down a gopher hole. Actually, don’t do that. It’s illegal and dangerous, but oh, how satisfying it would be. Other highly toxic gases can be forced underground, but the use of fumigants is severely restricted, and besides, who wants to pump the soil full of poison?
There’s a device called the Rodenator (slogan: The Boss of the Burrow) that injects a mixture of propane and oxygen underground and ignites it, creating an underground shock wave or “concussion” that kills the gophers and collapses their burrows. Again: fun to fantasize about, but not the sort of weapon I’d want to have around the house.
It would be nice if gopher-repelling plants —gopher purge, castor bean, or garlic — actually worked, but there is no research to back that up. There’s also no evidence that the devices that send gentle vibrations into the ground actually chase gophers away.
Traps are a humane, but time-consuming option, and they have the drawback of forcing you to go face to face with the enemy. I don’t want to spend more time with gophers; I just want to make them go away for good.
Gardens Alive (www.gardensalive.com) sells a mole repellent in liquid and dry form that is supposed to persuade both moles and gophers to pack their little bags and go destroy someone else’s garden. I’m not very optimistic that such a gentle method will work against such destructive and ill-mannered creatures, but I suppose I’ll give it a try. Failing that, it’s good, old-fashioned strychnine bait for me. Well, not for me. For the gophers.
And if that doesn’t work, I might have to reconsider the Rodenator. Did I mention that it comes with an optional Assault Cart, perfect for hauling your propane and oxygen tanks around, and a ball cap emblazoned with the distinctive Smoking Gun logo? Any gopher that wouldn’t run screaming from the sight of me in a Smoking Gun ball cap deserves what it gets.
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FIVE Comments
Comment / By Linda / July 8, 2009, 5:05 a.m.
You’re a sick person. I hope your garden catches on fire and kills you. What sort of individual gets joy out of the idea of brutally killing animals that wouldn’t have infested your garden if you hadn’t been a lazy ass and done what you’d planned?
Comment / By Sandy / Dec. 20, 2009, 10:34 a.m.
Have been looking for a safer, more humane method of gopher eradication, dry ice pellets put in the runs, then sealed, dry ice is concentrated carbon monoxide, not damaging to the enviornment, just puts the gopher to sleep for good. Eueka Frozen Foods carries dry ice. I will be trying this myself, hope this helps others.
Comment / By David / March 8, 3:59 p.m.
I mangage a golf course and the critters are getting the better of me and my crew. We have rodenators, two of them and the gophers are winning! They have wreaked havoc on our beautiful course and I am at my wits end. Any suggestions?
Comment / By David / March 8, 4 p.m.
I mangage a golf course and the critters are getting the better of me and my crew. We have rodenators, two of them and the gophers are winning! They have wreaked havoc on our beautiful course and I am at my wits end. Any suggestions?
Comment / By lynn / Oct. 21, 6:19 p.m.
Liked your article. We have a five acre place where we plant (without pesticides etc) fruit trees, herbs, vegetables, etc…all in gopher wire. Even this is not fail-safe (and of course brings heavy metals into the soil). Gophers do somehow get into our 24” high gopher-proofed raised beds, and the baskets we plant the trees in do rot, sometimes in 3 years. Over a 5 year period, I think it is safe to say we’ve lost at least a 3rd of our trees to gophers and maybe closer to half of perennials and veggies. We just keep trying. We also trap, albeit with intermittent fervor. When you loose this much, you give up the nice friendly attitude. (But I guess I still have a soft spot: this spring I found 3 tiny baby gophers whose mother had obviously been caught by a cat, and I just couldn’t do away with them. So I fed them until they were a little older and then released them in the field away from any edible fruit trees. One bit me before it left. Call me nuts.) We also have habitat for gopher snakes, we have lots of neighborhood cats, hawks, owls, you name it—there are always plenty of gophers. I’m thinking of poisoning, but I’m afraid a cat or our ducks will accidentally get poisoned. Even if you place the bait down in a hole and cover it well, the gophers are always pushing soil around and to the surface. They seem to be attracted to wet soil, so watering a fruit tree well is a sure way to get them interested. Water as little as possible. We also love to sheet mulch, but gophers love when we make these safe havens for them. Mulch=yes; cardboard=no. Too bad they are an integral part of our ecosystem; otherwise, bring on the reproductive inhibitor hormones for gophers! Barring this, I’m thinking of selling up and moving.