news story / By North Coast Journal Staff

Best Of Humboldt — Staff Picks

Established in 1868, the Ferndale Cemetery sings a dirge for the dead. The grounds are pregnant with a palpably macabre energy sadly lacking in modern cemeteries. Crumbling lambs and angels of grief adorn 19th Century headstones bearing the worn particulars of lives lived. Blank wooden markers poke from the soil like zombie fingers. Solemn engravings mourn the loss of spouses, parents and children. Wait for a misty morning to wander among the remains, ruminate on our fleeting existence and imagine the lives of people named Leander, Mabel or, simply, Mother. (Ocean Avenue, Ferndale)

— Ryan Burns

BEST MYTHICAL MAN-BEAST

Timid old Bigfoot comes on like an oversized stuftie, the kind of thing you win when your ping pong ball lands in the center fishbowl. He’s old and tired and doesn’t scare anyone at all. But listen, now, and hear the story of an indigenous beast omnipotent and deadly and full of rage.

The legends speak of the creature Ahr Klee — the shadow-slicer, destroyer of cities. Pay close attention, newcomer, and you may still hear his name whispered around cafes and action group potlucks, whispered by men of haggard appearance, with downcast eyes. If they take you into their confidence, they may tell you the old tales. Of the time he slew and devoured a county planner as a lesson to the others. Or the time he reached up to the nation’s capitol and smote to ashes the leader of the Congress, who had displeased him.

Ahr Klee has been quiet of late. Reports from the Deep South suggest that he has been quietly terrorizing the citizenry there, having been offered significant tax advantages. But the prophesy states that he will return, and that when he does he will attempt his vile master stroke — the complete reduction of the county seat to rubble!

Some say that the creature’s ancient enemy, the powerful Ni Lee, is well poised to foil this insane plan. Maybe, maybe not. What is certain is that when these two finally meet in battle, the spectacle will be nothing short of stupefying.

— Hank Sims

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