savage money / By Jennifer Savage

Keeping Up the Front

I haven’t been to the Koster Street building for a while, ever since the state determined I’m earning too much to qualify for Medi-Cal, but the need to outmaneuver classism — to “pass,” if you will — continues. That old saying about women needing to work “twice as hard to make half as much” as a man applies here. If you look poor, if you act poor, you’ll be treated poorly. This is true whether attempting to get some Temporary Aid to Needy Families, trying to fit in at your kid’s basketball games or having post-meeting cocktails with co-workers.

Want to avoid economic profiling? Maintain a stylish cut, floss your teeth and wear clothes that flatter. You don’t have to embody fashion model beauty, but looks and confidence matter. Yes, it’s completely unfair that the moneyed guy with the gut, the one who chews with his mouth open, spewing insults and food chunks simultaneously, gets treated with respect just because he’s a big spender. Such is life. When you have money, you can be a better person. Until then, you still have to look like you are.

Renting with no alternative plan? Don’t let your yard disappear underneath accumulated junk — unless you’re a working artist. Landlords hate messy yards. Neighbors hate messy yards. The owners have a financial investment to protect; you need to reduce your vulnerability to being kicked out of your home. (One of my personal biggest fears.) So make sure your home looks like someone cares — carpentry and gardening skills are a big plus. If you don’t have them, make getting them a priority. Put your kids to work: Teach them that taking care of their home is required and worthwhile, not because they’re at risk, but because keeping their corner of the world a nice place is a good thing.

Wash and vacuum that beater car in case someone you need to impress needs a ride somewhere. One time my boss called to see if I could pick him up from the mechanic’s on my way to work. Thankfully I had just enough time to rid the car of stinky beach towels and random potato chip bags. Dude, I’m so together.

Don’t complain to people who aren’t already your best friends. Ask people about themselves and when the conversation’s on you, put on your best “Aw, shucks,” demeanor and mention things are going just fine. Not only do you avoid cultivating a reputation as a whiner, but appreciating life’s blessings is a good habit for anyone. Besides, sometimes people with money have far worse problems than you: cancer, the death of a parent, someone close killed by an errant driver, a history of abuse, a job on the line, fantastic debt you don’t know about, a marriage falling apart, etc.

If you’re invited out to dinner you can’t afford, say, “Oh, that sounds great! But I promised the kids we’d watch a movie tonight [or whatever]. I was thinking about throwing a potluck next week, though — would you be able to come?” What you want to do is avoid situations that might result in yet more overdraft charges or unpaid bills — without constantly having to explain you’re broke. But you want to socialize, so always have a decent excuse and cheaper option available. Use the template above: “I’d love to, but [non-poverty excuse]. How about [less expensive alternative]?”

If someone offers to treat you (or donate money to help your kid go to camp or loan you cash for those new brakes you need), graciously accept — or rather, graciously accept any gifts, which you can “pay back” by being a good friend, listener, cook, errand-runner when they need some help. Don’t take a loan unless you’re absolutely positive you can pay it back, then stick absolutely to the plan. You don’t want to lose friends over money.

Some people may take offense to this whole notion. Certainly, if you’re flying solo and don’t give a damn, rock on. But if you have kids, you need the biggest safety net you can weave. That means establishing yourself in society as someone of merit, which can be a challenge without the cash to back it up. It’s not about your real worth, but about being treated as though you’re worthy. You are worthy, regardless of your bank balance — but sometimes people won’t see that if all they see is what you’re lacking first.

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