Comment / By Mystified / Feb. 19, 2009, 11:47 a.m.

Wow…that is so sad. There are sites on the web to search for birth parents and family. I am looking for my little deceased sisters son who was born in the early 1980’s. Sis tried to search for him but did not want to interfere while he was growing up.

I would think this boy would be angry to know my little sister (his mom) and his dad were drug addicts, and sis was using drugs and alcohol during her pregnancy.

If I find him, I only have bad news for him. His mom and most of his family are already on the other side, and I wonder if it would help or hinder to know that Inflamatory Breast Cancer runs on his deceased Mom’s father’s side of the family? And if he asked where his father is, I don’t have that answer either. My heart goes out to you though.

Comment / By Gaye Tannenbaum / Feb. 23, 2009, 6:43 p.m.

Once an adoptee becomes an adult, even the most devastating story is still OUR story and, if nothing else, provides closure. Better to know the truth than to always wonder.

At this point I don’t know if my mother jumped off a bridge 40 years ago, married and had a wonderful life or something in between. I deserve to know her - for better or for worse and she deserves to know about the child she relinquished 50+ years ago.

Comment / By AdopteeToo / Feb. 23, 2009, 7:11 p.m.

Wow. I am not only sorry Mare Rigge has adjusted so poorly to adult life, but that this whiny rant was selected Sweet Spot. We all have some burden to bear, and some axe to grind. Get over it. I am gratful both that my unknown birth mother didn’t keep a child she didn’t want or couldn’t care for, and to my real parents for adopting me in 1972. Yes, I obtained a US Passport subsequent to 9/11 with an amended Birth Certificate. Takes a longer wait, increased fee, and additional submission of supportive documentation. Oh well. Life’s hard. Bet Mara would rather complain than just do it and move on.

Comment / By joyjoy / Feb. 23, 2009, 7:22 p.m.

Dear Adoptee too:

I think Mara is going to right an injustice, that is commendable.

It seems to me you are the whiner with nothing better to do than complain about your life on the internet, despite your “gratitude”

I am sorry you are jealous of her sundae, maybe your real adoptive parents will buy you one.

Comment / By Elizabeth / Feb. 23, 2009, 7:28 p.m.

Excellent letter Mara!

AdopteeToo is obviously a NFCA plant. Or perhaps just a plant form, as all humans should have the innate desire to know their origins.

Comment / By Gaye Sherman Tannenbaum / Feb. 24, 2009, 11:17 a.m.

“A reasonable man adapts himself to his environment. An unreasonable man persists in attempting to adapt his environment to suit himself. Therefore, all progress depends on the unreasonable man.” - George Bernard Shaw

Adoptees having passport problems just need to jump through more hoops than the non-adopted. Think of it as a poll tax on the adopted. Fair?

Keep at it Mara!

Comment / By Lillie / Feb. 24, 2009, 12:38 p.m.

Great letter, Mara!

I’m an adopted person too, who had the proberbial “wonderful life” with the proverbial “wonderful parents.”

But should that mean that I have to beg and grovel at the feet of those who hold MY documets, the records of MY birth? I have reunited, I know who my “birth” parents are, we have had an ongoing relationship for over 12 years now. And you know what? I STILL can not get copies of my original birth certificate because of archaic laws designed to “protect” them from me. Isn’t that funny? What’s to protect? I can call them up, go to their house, provide their names, telephone numbers, even favorite flavors of ice cream, but the state still thinks I shouldn’t possess a piece of paper with their names on it.

I wonder how many readers here realize that the UK, Australia, and the rest of the western civilized world have already opened records and allow adopted citizens their information.

Why is it that the “leader of the free world” is so far behind the rest of the world in this respect?

It’s a shame. I am ashamed of my country.

Comment / By -mk reunited / Feb. 24, 2009, 3:13 p.m.

Lillie, I think the answer to your question lies in the fact that in the US adoption is largely a private industry worth some $ 4 billion each year governed by varying laws from state to state. It doesn’t help that where the Federal government is involved tax incentives to promote adoption are the order of the day…

Ad to that the fact that adoption is a practice that has its origins in shame and stigma—the shame and stigma of the young unmarried mother pressured to surrender her newborn child and told by doing so she will have a second chance to do it right… And the shame and stigma of the childless couple seeking to appear normal and fruitful through the alchemy of adoption.

It’s NOT a pretty picture

-mk

Comment / By Joan m Wheeler / Feb. 27, 2009, 5:08 p.m.

It never ceases to amaze me that adoptees who complain to activist adoptees tell us to be quiet. I’ve been reunited for 35 years, been interviewed on radio a few times, and there’s always someone who says “I know who my real parents are.” Well, not exactly. When I was found at age 18 by a sister I never knew, at that moment I said to my self, “I have two sets of real parents. How best can we all get through this?” I have never went back from this. The story of how you came to be is your story and there is a mother and father who created you. They more than likely were cohereced; my Dad was talked into giving me up after the death of my mom when I was an infant. No help to keep the family together. I as the youngest of 5. You never know the circumstances so don’t judge.

Comment / By Mara / March 13, 2009, 7:06 p.m.

The 2009 Adoptee Rights Protest is July 21st in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. Here’s the link for more information: www.youtube.com/user/AdopteeRightsPhilly