Saving Sam
Jessie said that after Sam killed herself, at first she comforted herself by believing it was inevitable. But it wasn’t, she decided.
“Sam was lonely,” said Jessie, crying over the phone. “She was desperately lonely. She was a loner, and her depression kept her alone and that compounded things. She desperately needed attention and affection and love and support and she looked for it and she asked for it. And no one person could have given that to her. But, collectively, I think that we’re all culpable. She did so much for everybody else and I don’t know if there’s anybody who can say they did as much as they could have. I know I could have done so much more. We all could have. And I think we failed her. I think the whole goddamned world failed her. I don’t think she had to die.”
Out in the field, where the sun slanted in and traffic whirred nearby and cows chewed in the distance, the planters paused above their freshly dug holes, grabbed the little trees and tugged them from their pots, then remembered: In the container, a young tree’s roots become compacted. You had to break up the mass before you planted it in the earth. That way, the roots could wriggle into the new ground and grab hold.
But gently, gently.
When they finished, 60 Sitka spruce and alders were in the ground. Maybe most would grow strong and outcompete the hardy cowfood, the grass. Perhaps, one day, salmon would return to little Campbell Creek. The restorationists had done what they could: removed the tide gates, taken the cows off part of the land, and planted the trees.
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on the cover
Railroad!
Proposed lines ‘set rich blood a-tingling’ in early 1900s
Some Other Proposed North Coast Railroads
Choo-choo Fantasies
Exposing this east-west rail nonsense
seven-o-heaven
Undeterred Will
Will chides Andrew for lack of attention to detail and makes plans for his inevitable victory.
Recent on the cover
May 17
Ring of Fire
Sun and moon will perform a rare pas de deux in Humboldt skies on Sunday
May 10
District Soup
Racing for the top county seat in the 1st, 2nd and 3rd districts
May 3
A Place in the Woods
As park closure deadline nears, a scramble to save what we can
Today
44th Annual Kinetic Grand Championship Race
STAFF PICK / events, art, outdoors, sports, for kids, free / 9 a.m.-6 p.m. A 3-day, 42-mile kinetic sculpture race over land, sand, mud and water! LeMans start at the Noon Whistle on the Arcata Plaza. Follow the race through Manila, Eureka and into Ferndale on Memorial Day for the Glorious Finish. kineticgrandchampionship.com. 889-3024.
Flow 2012 Fashion Show
STAFF PICK / events / 8 p.m. Arcata Theatre Lounge, 1036 G St. Student designed and produced clothing. Fundraiser for Arcata Arts Institute. $35/$25 students. artsinstitute.net. 822-1220.
Woodside Preschool's Rummage/Bake Sale
events / 8 a.m.-noon. Woodside Preschool, 900 Hodgson St, Eureka. www.woodsidepreschool.com. 445-9132.
Lanphere Dunes Restoration
STAFF PICK / outdoors / 9:30 a.m.-12:30 p.m. Meet at Pacific Union School. Help remove non-native invasives at the Lanphere Dunes Unit of the Humboldt Bay National Wildlife Refuge. Tools and gloves provided, wear work clothes and bring water. Carpool to the protected site. 444-1397.
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11 Comments
Comment / By ldr / Dec. 25, 2008, 9:54 p.m.
I’d just like to know one thing… if I had a dollar, who’d sam like me to donate it to?
Comment / By Lisa / Dec. 29, 2008, 11:35 a.m.
Sam will be sorely missed.
Comment / By Bill / Dec. 29, 2008, 2:35 p.m.
Vaya con dios, mouse. You took a piece of me with you ….
Comment / By sageplant / Dec. 29, 2008, 4:22 p.m.
this story made me cry. i wish i could have know sam. but i did know my brother inlaw and he very recently commited sucide also. people really loved him and tried very hard to get him the help he needed. to those who were sams friends and family…get the help you may need to deal with this also. may we all find the peace we need
Comment / By Shannon / Dec. 31, 2008, 3:53 p.m.
I had no idea. I met her a few times as volunteer coordinator for Baykeeper and she stopped returning my calls - obviously she had plenty of other commitments to fill her time, I only wish she had been able to fill whatever emptiness got her in the end. Blessed be all those who supported her. Peace to you all in Humboldt.
Comment / By Ron / Dec. 31, 2008, 8:05 p.m.
This is simply a stunningly well written essay that deserves to win a prize for journalism.
Comment / By mystified / Jan. 2, 2009, midnight
This story touched me deeply, as I have seen “Sam” in so many others in my life. Sam was a person I would have wanted to thank for all her efforts, and person I could have learned from, as I am so proud of all these people who work tirelessly to restore nature to it’s natural habitat, and other community service projects.
It is hard to shake the emotional and physical abuses one receives as a child. Counseling is available, and there are some medications that help some people. Having a friend one can trust to talk with about these things can really help too, if they listen and understand.
If you ever feel this way, the way Sam did, please call the Suicide Hot line, open 24/7 at 707-445-7715. Those people are trained and very supportive.
Also, I just found out that Humboldt State University offers excellent counseling at a discount, and they come highly recommended. Please reach out if you feel like Sam did, and let a friend or loved one help you get the help you need, as things will seem much brighter right around the corner if you can just hang in there.
Comment / By Mitch / Jan. 3, 2009, 9:11 a.m.
I agree with Ron (above, #6) that this is a stunningly well-written essay.
I’m sure Sam would be hopeful that this story will help someone.
And if you are considering suicide, please call the Suicide Hotline mentioned in #7. Things may seem unbearable, but see if you can hold off for just five minutes and talk with someone.
Comment / By Just Friends / Jan. 10, 2009, 10:43 a.m.
My loving support and prayers go out to this family. Few realize suicide is more common than murder. The aftermath of a loved one’s suicide is a special devastation for any family to endure. Please attend a support group. Others who have walked that path can be of help.
http://www.afsp.org/index.cfm?fuseaction=home.viewPage&page_id=8E1B374F-F0C8-4FBA-B9AD43B2E1DDE1C6
Support After Suicide (S.A.S.) meets at 7 PM Every 3rd Monday of the month at the Adorni Center 1011 Waterfront Drive Contact: Kathy Glaspey 707-839-3349 mickeygramma@sbcglobal.net
Comment / By eric / Jan. 15, 2009, 2:06 p.m.
Sam is alive and well.
Comment / By crys / Oct. 2, 2009, 4:15 p.m.
I met Sam briefly, once or twice through the AmeriCore volunteer project. I remember talking with her as she was somewhat new to the area. She was quiet, well-spoken, and seemed to have a gentle heart. I only wish I could have made a stronger attempt to be a friend. I also suffer from depression, and feel as if i missed an opportunity for two young girls to meet, we could have helped each other. i am sure sam is at peace now, i onlly hope