alt prez / By Richard Wall

The Other Candidates For President: Part III

Wing and a Prayer

In a Washington, D.C., Mormon temple in 1995, God told Chris Borcik, a pilot for a major airline, to “Run for President.” This caused Borcik to read the Constitution, which caused him to realize that the government hasn’t been following it. Borcik, of Fayetteville, Ga. — Delta is based in nearby Atlanta — wants to change that. His wife has accepted the burden that he will be ridiculed for running, so maybe you should, too — and hope that God reminds him to lower that landing gear next time you’re about to touch down in Captain Borcik’s MD-88.

Running In Pairs

Independent candidate Ralph Robinson, a history teacher at Highland High School in Anderson, Ind., is running primarily to oppose his colleague and friend Eric Creviston, who is also running for President and is just too hawkish for Ralph.

Policy Pandering

$1.25-a-gallon gas for the next 20 years, declares Jeff “Petro” Petkevicius, a chemical deliveryman from Ponchatoula, La. Petro’s policy (he says an Executive Order can cap gas prices) likely dealt a crushing blow to the campaign of 81-year-old Don Cordell of California, who’s promising gasoline at $1.29 a gallon. Still, Don will speak to your group if you pay for his transportation (coach), economy lodging and fast-food meals.

Pre-Terminator

Megally Z. Megally, an auto repair associate in Houston, Texas, is certainly fit to run for President, being “in excellent health, willing to relocate and fluent in Arabic and Spanish.” Only trouble is, he wasn’t born in the U.S. Looking suspiciously like actor Dennis Hopper, MZM could be testing the waters for Gov. Schwarzenegger’s inevitable run/attack on the Presidency, as evidenced by Megally’s call to arms: “To all enemies of the United States, you’ve had enough fun, America and Americans are coming over. The United States is coming back soon!”

1 2 3 4 NEXT PAGE >SHARE