news story / By Meghannraye Sutton

Of Course We Do

After years of waiting, same-sex couples wed

(June 19, 2008)  When Cheryl Rau and Pat McCutcheon first began their relationship back in the 1980s, they never dreamed that one day they would be married as wife and wife. At that point, the concept of a woman and woman marrying — or man and man for that matter — was ludicrous. The couple describes that era as a time when homophobic people were still burning crosses on same-sex couples’ lawns in acts of hate.

“It wasn’t like how it is now, how you see it all over TV and movies,” said Rau. “It wasn’t accepted as it is today.”

GALLERY >

Now it is 24 years later, and attitudes change over time. A little more than a month ago, the California Supreme Court decided that the idea of same-sex marriage wasn’t quite so ludicrous. In a landmark decision, it ruled that same sex-couples could legally wed in the State of California, just like a man and woman. This Tuesday was the first day they were free to do so if they chose. And on Tuesday, couples all around California and Humboldt County did exactly that.

Jamila Tharp and Michelle Hasting had the first scheduled wedding in Humboldt — the first one open to the public, anyway. (Another couple got married earlier, but they kept the ceremony confidential.) Tharp and Hasting used to come down to the county courthouse every Valentine’s Day to request a marriage license, and were denied every year because it was unconstitutional. Finally, Tuesday at 10:30 a.m., they held their marriage ceremony inside County Clerk/Recorder Carolyn Crnich’s sun-filled office, packed to full capacity with family, friends, photographers and members of the local press. They held fresh flowers and had a hard time holding back tears as Crnich read out the vows. Then they said “I do.” After years, they were officially married.

“I cannot express my excitement that we are being recognized equally and fairly in California,” said Tharp. “But it’s more than just equality. It’s about fairness and love.”

Crnich said that she had about seven more same-sex wedding appointments scheduled that day. Rau and McCutcheon’s long-delayed nuptials were among them.

But Rau and McCutcheon already had their self-described “true wedding” a decade ago. Ten years ago, same-sex couples in Humboldt County were legally recognized, but only in Arcata. In August of 1998, the city made a small footprint in time by establishing and recognizing something called same-sex domestic partnerships. As of then, the city was only one of 12 in California to do so. The title resembled a marriage but still lacked over a thousand rights that husband and wife couples received on a daily basis. California followed suit the next year and established domestic partnerships statewide.

Rau and McCutcheon’s wedding that year was a small, intimate ceremony, but a meaningful and beautiful one. Their friends and family filled their luscious and green garden on an unusually hot and sunny summer day in Arcata. A minister performed the ceremony. McCutcheon’s son played the steel drums. After they exchanged vows, friends and family held hands in a large circle and sang a song. “How can anyone think you’re less than beautiful, how can anyone think you’re less than whole.”

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