the town dandy / By Hank Sims

Dog Days

Hardly the stuff of scandal. In closing, though, we’ll note that no one in Humboldt County is as devoted to the Wikipedia mission (“Knowledge Shared”) as the knowledgeable sales staff at Mid City Motor World. Starting in January 2006, these folks have consistently made numerous contributions to any number of Wikipedia entries — everything from “transgender” to “pornographic film” to “Marilyn Chambers.” A short sample should suffice. We’ll redact the name to entice you to check out the entry yourself, but it describes an obscure actor in the history of “fetish” films:

“The single most popular porn star to evolve from this film genre is [redacted], a self-professed ‘sex animal’ who tired of B-movies, and wanted a little more verve in his acting career. He later suffered erectile dysfunction, a condition that promptly halted his career in porn. [He] is now a car salesman in Eureka, California.”

What research! But Mid City is full of movie buffs, apparently. The latest Wikipedia edit to come from that quarter concerns Westwood Village Memorial Park Cemetery, a graveyard containing the remains of many notable Hollywood figures. In June, someone at the dealership noted that Westwood Village is also the final resting place of little-known character actor Ed Penis.

So whetherwe’re out working the lot or taking part in our hobbies, summer doesn’t slow Humboldt County down. For example: Take Larry Parker of Eureka’s Benchmark Realty. Last week in this space we indulged ourselves in some speculation about what Pacific Lumber might be up to in its bankruptcy proceedings, given that: a) it has been asking weird questions about the subdividability of its 200,000 acres of timber land, and b) it has hired the chair of the Humboldt County Planning Commission. After scratching our scalps for some time, we came to the conclusion that the company may go to the bankruptcy court with a “reorganization plan” that would involve subdividing and selling off its lands.

What we hadn’t quite realized, at the time, was that the company is already selling off its lands — or, at least some of them. Reached last week, Parker confirmed that he has the unenviable task of trying to scare up buyers for a pretty sweet 240-acre spread off Jacoby Creek Road that Palco listed in June. Beautiful views, water, building sites. Asking price — $1.4 million.

What’s the problem? The whole thing is in strange legal limbo. Parker, who had a sense of humor about everything, was off to show the property to a potential buyer, but he had no idea whether or not he would legally be allowed to move it. All his calls these days are directed to Houston, home of Palco’s parent company, Maxxam.

“Right now I have a call into Pacific Lumber to see if selling it is even possible,” Parker said. Nevertheless, he was going to ride out there on an ATV to show the client around. If not now, maybe someday. And in a year or so, maybe there’ll be a few more rural parcels the client might like to see.

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