today
7 a.m. Annual Twice Nice Rummage Sale Oddfellows Hall
read >8 a.m. Tire Amnesty Day Humboldt Coastal Nature Center
read >9 a.m. North Group Sierra Club Hike See Event Description
read >9:30 a.m. Manila Dunes Restoration Manila Community Center
read >10 a.m. Spiff Up The Zoo Sequoia Park Zoo
read >10 a.m. Humboldt Botanical Gardens Humboldt Botanical Garden
read >10 a.m. Manila Dunes Guided Walk Manila Community Center
read >10 a.m. Annual Juggling Festival Humboldt State University
read >10 a.m. Exploring the I-Ching Humboldt Wellness Center
read >11 a.m. Soups and Salads for Shoes Fortuna Monday Club
read >noon Landscape Design from the Top Down Living Earth Landscapes
read >1 p.m. March and Rally for Peace Humboldt County Courthouse
read >1 p.m. 35th Annual Daffodil Show Fortuna River Lodge
read >1:30 p.m. Afternoon Tea Humboldt Area Foundation
read >1:30 p.m. Eureka Photoshop Users Group Adorni Recreation Center
read >1:30 p.m. For the Next 7 Generations Morris Graves Museum of Art
read >1:30 p.m. Spring Equinox Celebration Manila Community Center
read >2 p.m. Friends of the Marsh Tour Arcata Marsh and Wildlife Sanctuary Interpretive Center
read >2 p.m. Betty Peugh Sweaney Collection Presentation Trinidad Museum
read >5 p.m. Humboldt Roller Derby Redwood Acres Fairground
read >5 p.m. Elephants and Tigers: A Bollywood Extravaganza Wharfinger Building
read >5 p.m. Downey for Sheriff Spaghetti Dinner Fortuna Veterans Hall/Memorial Building
read >5:30 p.m. Arcata Rotary Spring Wine Festival Kate Buchanan Room at HSU
read >5:30 p.m. Arcata Rotary Spring Wine Festival Kate Buchanan Room at HSU
read >6 p.m. The Tumbleweeds (cowboy songs) Chapala Cafe
read >6 p.m. Blue Lotus Jazz Libation
read >6 p.m. McKinleyville Land Trust Dinner Azalea Hall
read >7 p.m. Ghoulies and Ghosties and Long-Legged Beasties Mantova's Two Street Music
read >7 p.m. Juggling Festival Show Van Duzer Theatre
read >7:30 p.m. Joe & Me (Greek/Turkish) Cafe Mokka
read >7:30 p.m. A Midsummer Night's Dream Arcata High School
read >7:30 p.m. Tenor Recital Christ Episcopal Church
read >7:30 p.m. We Are All Related Accident Gallery
read >7:30 p.m. For the Love of the Dance Redwood Raks World Dance Studio
read >8 p.m. Karaoke w/ Chris Clay Boiler Room
read >8 p.m. On the Wings of a Dove Carlo Theater (Dell'Arte)
read >8 p.m. Antigone College of the Redwoods
read >8 p.m. So Hum Tales Mateel Community Center
read >8 p.m. The Phoebes Mosgo's
read >9 p.m. Vintage Soul (R&B) Cher-Ae-Heights Casino
read >9 p.m. Cadillac Ranch Six Rivers Brewery
read >9 p.m. The Roadmasters (country) Bear River Casino
read >9 p.m. Trevor 101, Children of the Sun (rock/blues) Lil' Red Lion
read >9 p.m. Band Behind Your Hedge (classic rock) Central Station Cocktail Lounge
read >9:30 p.m. For the Love of Dance After Party Arcata Theater Lounge
read >10 p.m. Music by DJ Sidelines
read >10 p.m. DJ Icy Hot Aunty Mo's Lounge
read >10 p.m. Polyhood Productions Pearl Lounge
read >10:30 p.m. Splinter Cell, Watch it Sparkle (rock) Alibi Lounge and Restaurant
read >previous columns
Aug. 14, 2008
An Inconvenient Stereotype?
Not many Humboldt County residents have seen Humboldt County. Most ...
read >Aug. 7, 2008
Escape From Arcata
One counterculture artist has had enough; seeks EKA salvation
read >July 31, 2008
Stop the Press
Durham puts McKinleyville's hometown paper on the block
read >Alt Prez
The other candidates running for president: First in a six-part series
By Richard Wall
Just two candidates for President? Hardly. We’ve got more than 100 candidates, deluded losers and promising dreamers all begging for attention in America’s sideshow election. You’ve got outraged Ralph Nader to kick around again. But you also have Daniel Kingery, “Your Handy-Man President,” who would fix this country as surely as he’d fix the ceiling in your bathroom.
And just because every one of them will lose, that’s no reason to ignore them. After all, McCain or Obama will lose, too, just like the Handy-Man. Only Daniel won’t have a U.S. Senate seat to fall back into. These candidates believe that if you could just hear their messages, you’d vote for one of them. And they’re loaded with solutions. Housing-market crisis? Gone -- if Larry Schuetter of Suisun City, Calif., wins and institutes his 100-year mortgage plan.
Obama and McCain are wussy wonks compared to Larry. Besides, they’re probably putting you to sleep by now. Before your mind rots from tepid repetition, put some excitement into the election by turning your eye to the real American candidates -- the truck driver, conspiracy theorist, farmer, vampire, school teacher and assorted blowhards.
Half of you probably won’t vote, so this election is entertainment for you anyway. And an estimated 40 percent of you who do vote consider yourselves independent politically. So don’t succumb to the Dark Sides. Find your Alt Prez.
Race For 3rd Place
Chuck Baldwin, candidate for the Constitution Party and a Baptist preacher from Pensacola, Fla., hopes some of Ron Paul’s bewildered supporters will wander his way. And that is the way of limited government and an unwavering respect for the Constitution, “interpreted according to the actual intent of the Founding Fathers.” Chuck will do the interpreting.
Dr. Baldwin has a pretty good campaign going, with money. He actually travels around the country, like going to Southwestern border cities to promote his demand for the fence -- and throwing illegal aliens over it.
In 2004, the Constitution Party, formerly known as the U.S. Taxpayers Party, pulled in 132,000 votes for President. This election, Chuck expects to be on the ballot in 43 states, which proves he’s serious. Sometimes declaring that he actually thinks he can win, however, suggests that he’s crossed the line between devotion and delusion.
As President, Chuck would:
Stop foreign entanglements and pull out of Iraq completely;
Kill the Patriot Act;
Allow man-woman marriages only;
End abortion on demand with a crafty end run around Roe Vs. Wade;
Repeal the income tax, and slap a 10% tariff on imports;
Respect the Christian God, though Muslims, Jews and even atheists would still be allowed to vote.
Prediction: Winning over scores of disaffected Libertarians, Chuck Baldwin will come in 5th.
The Anti-Chuck
Daniel Kingery is a self-employed odd-jobber from Wilcox, Ariz., who traveled the country campaigning (28 states) until he recently had to sell his 1986 Crown Vic and video camera for bus fare from Indiana to home. At one point he had a campaign fund of more than $15,000 dollars (only $176 from contributions), which is unusual for most independent candidates. Even though he saved money by sleeping in his car, his campaign coffers are empty. He’s still trying, sending out 200 e-mails a day.
Like Chuck Baldwin, Daniel also wants to uphold the Constitution, only he thinks it needs some fixing to close some loopholes. First, change the USA from a republic to a representative republic, whereby the people tell their elected officials what to do. Second, make betrayal of the public trust by an elected person a treasonable offense.
He’s mapped out a detailed repair plan for the country with what he calls Domino-Effect Solutions. Daniel on abortion: “Constitutionally, U.S. law and state laws can only regulate citizens or residents. U.S. Constitution defines citizen as one born or naturalized. Therefore, only those born can be protected by US law or the laws of any state.”
For more Handy-Man wisdom, go to http://www.portablepublishing.com.
Fearless Foreign Policy
“Make Iraq the 51st state.” -- Gary Ruff, a truck driver from Arlington, Texas, whose # 1 policy position might lose him some North Coast votes: legalize marijuana and tax it.
Irresistible Website Buttons
“Attempts on My Life” -- Jeff Boss of Guttenberg, N.J., who is sure that 9/11 was a National Security Agency job.
“Why Soy Wax” -- Danny Hinkle of Reno, Nev., who cares about the aromatic candle industry. Danny thinks he might get lucky and win, though his girlfriend just doesn’t see herself in the White House.
Operation Osama
Ruth Bryant White, a black female candidate from Henderson, Nev., would unleash Duane “Dog” Chapman to roam foreign lands in a search of fugitives from U.S. justice. Bin Laden would be in Gitmo before Groundhog Day.

















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