Nerves 

The Humboldt County Board of Supervisors voted Jan. 7 to adopt a ban on new marijuana dispensaries — a continuation of a moratorium enacted in 2011 under mounting pressure from the federal government.

U.S. attorneys at that time were making all sorts of noise about prosecuting city officials and staffs that created civic and county marijuana regulations, saying local lawmakers would be considered complicit in breaking federal anti-marijuana laws. That rattled a lot of local governments around California, including Arcata, Eureka and Humboldt County, each of which quickly stopped the approval process for new pot shops.

The supes voted 4-1 (with 3rd District rep Mark Lovelace dissenting) to approve the ordinance — at least until a marijuana subcommittee can come up with more solid rules on outdoor growing. The Times-Standard reported that 4th District Supervisor Virginia Bass said the subcommittee — which includes Lovelace and 5th District Supe Ryan Sundberg — should bring back recommendations for cultivation rules before it gets to work on an ordinance governing when, where and how dispensaries can operate in the county.

Elsewhere:

Supervisors in Fresno County, which stretches across the farmlands of the Central Valley and into the public forests of the Sierra Nevada Mountains, unanimously approved a ban on marijuana cultivation that will go into effect in February. That means medical, recreational, spiritual or otherwise —the first countywide ban (in unincorporated areas) of its kind in California, according to a lawyer quoted in the Fresno Bee. Weed advocates say that will harm patient access and lead to continued violence in the black market pot economy.

In last week's column, we mentioned the Daily Currant hoax — claiming that 37 people died from marijuana after Colorado's legalization — that gripped America (not). It seems hollow Onion-rip-offs are beside themselves with the opportunities Colorado's relaxed laws provide. This time, the satire website Newslo offered the following headline, brimming with Swift-ian wit: "Rep. Bachmann Arrested for DUI in Colorado," in which the wanna-be Twains said The Michele was indulging in greenery before getting behind the wheel. Her publicist and local law enforcement officials were quick to expose the ruse/joke/waste of time to Colorado media outlets.

National Football League Commissioner Roger Goodell told ESPN.com on Jan. 7 that player use of medical marijuana may be OK in the future — at least in states where it's legal. "I don't know what's going to develop as far as the next opportunity for medicine to evolve and to help either deal with pain or help deal with injuries, but we will continue to support the evolution of medicine," Goodell was quoted as saying.