'Tis the season... to commercialize just about everything in the world. And, as we, as a state and a nation, collectively re-examine our pot laws, that includes marijuana, or as one savvy retailer recently rebranded it, "merryjuana."
In the umpteenth sign that marijuana has now fully crossed over into the United States' cultural mainstream, scores of publications — including buttoned up, respectable types like Forbes and the San Francisco Chronicle — have released marijuana Christmas gift guides, helping you decide what to get for that stoner in your life who has everything.
Many of these gift ideas aim either to hide or promote one's pot consumption. The Forbes list, which notes "Christmas is the time for glitz and luxury," includes the Pax 2, a "sleek and stylish" gold plated vaporizer ($279.99). It fits in the palm of your hand, making it perfect for when you need to sneak a toke at your family holiday party and want to look stylish doing it. Then, there's the "Cannabis Killer" candle, specially crafted with enzymes that get rid of smoke odor, replacing it with a "mint/pine/menthol" scent ($14.99). Gone are the days of Nag Champa and fabric-softener stuffed tubes. The candle boasts a 90-hour burn time, so toke up — "your gift will keep on giving."
On the other end of the spectrum, a quick web search for the words "marijuana" and "Christmas" brings up a plethora of shopping options for the less inhibited marijuana enthusiasts among us. Our personal favorite: a gray hoodie emblazoned with the words, "ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS SOME DANK ASS KUSH" ($35). If that's a little too blunt for you, rapper 2 Chainz — that stylish demigod formerly known as "Tity Boi" — has you covered.
He of the double-chain fame just released a line of marijuana themed ugly Christmas sweaters, which come emblazoned with weed leaves, bongs and images of Santa doing the dab, the popular dance move that mimics someone falling prey to THC-induced narcolepsy ($25-$50). If 2 Chainz is just one too many for your sensibilities, there are other pot-themed holiday sweaters out there, like the one with a happy-looking gingerbread man under the slogan "Let's Get Baked," or a simple pine tree that notes "the tree isn't the only thing getting lit this year," amid a sprinkling of pot leaves, just in case the sweater's meaning was unclear.
If a simple pot-themed sweater just isn't creepy enough for you, check out the green cannabis leaf contact lenses from spookyeyes.com ($23.95). Or, there's the limited edition coffee table book Naked Girls Smoking Weed, which the publisher warns will not be reissued and is now a collectable ($99.99). The book's eBay blurb boasts that "minimal text leaves plenty of room for lots of pictures." But don't worry, the blurb goes on, the book's written by Rob Griffin, founder of www.420Girls.com, "not just some sleazy guy who has spotted a gap in the market."
But amid all the ridiculous, weed-themed commercialist crap the holiday Interwebs have to offer, there are a few gems, things that can truly revolutionize a weed enthusiast's life. If you're in the market for one of these, look no further than the Pipemug from ZANG!, which comes billed as the "world's only" hand-made, ceramic coffee mug with a pipe in it. Yes, you got that right: a single tool that allows whoever's wielding it to simultaneously wake, bake and caffeinate. The thing's dishwasher and microwave safe, so all you need to do is "sit back, rip it and sip it."
If you want to snag one of these babies, though, you'd better act fast: About half the company's Pipemug offerings are currently out of stock.