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May 26-31 

The final edition, songbirds make sense

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May 26. Your horoscope: For a moment, upon awakening, it will seem as if the songs of birds make perfect sense. They will appear to be singing in English, and this will not seem strange at all. You will be surprised, as you listen to their conversations, at how even-handed and considerate birds are. Why, you will wonder, had you always assumed they were arguing with each other?

May 27. In How to be Happy Though Married, husbands are advised to stand outside and throw rocks at any barking dogs that may disturb their wife's sleep. They should do this in bare feet so that the sound of their shoes on the cobblestones do not wake their slumbering companion.

May 28. Footwear-related palindromes: Too bad, I hid a boot.

May 29. An upside-down tomato plant is an entirely reasonable proposition. It can be hung in any location, allowing it to receive preferential placement in sheltered, sunlit areas. It does require regular water and food, but this is made all the easier by the fact that the roots are on top, allowing fertilizer to be added where it is needed most. The planter must be hung from an excessively strong hook, as a recently watered tomato plant, in full growth, laden with fruit, may well outweigh the average gardener.

May 30. The St. Francis Hotel suggests purchasing two pounds of blood pudding from the butcher, frying it in butter for 15 minutes, and serving it on a platter with sauce Robert.

May 31. Thus concludes a full year of the North Coast Almanack. Watch this space in July for future developments.

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Amy Stewart

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