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Scruffy boyfriends and spineless pals

Hey McGuinty!

My boyfriend is rather rough around the edges — more like jagged. He's like this wild mountain guy with a crazy beard and an illegitimate income, if you know what I mean. He's great and all — sweet, strong and attentive, and we have fun together. But I'm afraid we won't ever be serious because I can't see myself settling with this person. It's fine for now because he's great companionship.

My mom is coming to visit next month, and I'm hesitant about introducing them since she really prefers clean-cut people. I don't live with my boyfriend or talk to her about him much, so she's ignorant to his leading role in my life. My boyfriend knows she's coming to visit and hasn't directly expressed interest in meeting her, so I don't even know if I should bring it up.

I don't want to hurt my boyfriend's feelings, but if neither of them is pressing to meet the other one, then it seems easier to not introduce them, right?

I am in my 30s. We've been together-ish for about eight months, and honestly, I have a hard time being seen with him around the neighborhood, too. I'm not just worried about what my mom thinks.

What says McGuinty?

— Undecided Daughter


I know you're asking me to give it to you straight, so I'm going to, even if I find it uncomfortable.

You're just not that into your boyfriend. You're making this about whether or not to introduce him to your mom, but the message between the lines is that you're ... well, kind of embarrassed by him. Hell, that's not even between the lines — you say that you don't see yourself "settling" with him and that you don't want to be seen with him. You say it's fine "for now" because you have a good time together, but that's not reason enough to endure the awkwardness that will surely be the mom meeting. If neither has shown an interest in meeting the other, assume that will remain the case during the visit. If either asks, you could use it as a jumping off point to have the "I'm not sure where this is going" conversation, or just say you'd rather keep your mom to yourself during this visit and leave it there. It sounds like the rest will work itself out eventually.

Hey McGuinty!

An old college friend from over 20 years ago has a boyfriend who is so jealous that she is not allowed to hang out with me. We have always been just friends and nothing more. She sneaks out to see me, but I feel a little hurt due to her unwillingness to stand up to him regarding our friendship. I feel unimportant when I hang with her, like I'm disposable. I am considering not being her friend anymore. What should I do?

— Disposable Dude


Well this just sucks, doesn't it? You've known her longer than he has, but you're the one being pushed aside. Unfortunately, jealousy does that. The dynamic of your friendship is clearly hurting you, and that is entirely not the point of friendship. Friends are supposed to lift you up and make you feel good. Sure, there are bumps in the road, but brother, you've hit a straight-up roadblock if you're using terms like "disposable." It sounds like cutting her off until she can do her duty as a friend and stand up for you will make you feel better about yourself in the end, difficult though the process may be.

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About The Author

Jess McGuinty

Jess McGuinty

Jessica McGuinty, founder of Jessicurl and master of the joyful laugh, doesn't really think she has all the answers — but she'll give it a try. Write her.

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