Bikes + babes + bands + bucks. If you do your math right -- be sure to carry the "fun" -- your answer should come out as the Blue Lake Ride, taking place again this year at the Blue Lake Casino from Sept. 8-11. Need me to break down those four "b"s further? Check it:
THURSDAY: They're going to slowly ease into this weekend. Official festivities begin on the "big stage" Thursday with a kick-off party at 7 p.m. highlighted -- well -- by the finals of the North Coast Karaoke Championship. Those that were only kara-okay have been stripped of their microphones. The kara-awesome ones now compete for $1,000 cash and a killer Facebook status.
FRIDAY: Happenings on and around the big stage continue Friday night starting at 6 p.m. with $500 cash drawings every half-hour -- need some money? -- Harley drawings and, uh, a bikini blackjack tournament -- should I bring my own bikini?
At 8 p.m. local Petty disciples Full Moon Fever run down all your dreams, followed by all the big riffs and face paint you can handle courtesy of the Kiss Army tribute band. Do you want to rock and roll all night and party every day? If you do, they have a song you'll like.
SATURDAY: This is the "Ride" part. Saturday's proceedings start at 9 a.m. for registered bikers with a day trip south to Riverbend Cellars in Myers Flat, returning by 1 p.m. Back at the casino, the every half-hour $500 giveaways continue for the rest of the event -- need more money? Also, Clint Ewing's Stunt Show, a poker tournament with a Harley for the winner and the very necessary bikini bike wash -- they get dirty, you know.
Then, the music. At 8 p.m. rock 'n' roll band/city planners Starship will perform "We Built This City" and maybe some other songs -- I dunno, it's probably catchy enough to carry the entire set.
They'll be followed by Foreigner vocalist Lou Gramm. If you whippersnappers don't know who Foreigner is, the choruses to all the following hits include the words in their titles. Sing them in your head as I fire 'em off: "Feels Like the First Time," "Urgent," "Hot Blooded," "Double Vision," "Juke Box Hero," I Want to Know What Love Is," "I Don't Want to Live Without You," "I've Been Waiting For a Girl Like You." Those are the ones I knew. Not bad.
SUNDAY: More every half-hour $500 cash drawings -- you need more money -- from 9 a.m. to 2:30 p.m., another Harley will be given away and blues ax swinger Brad Wilson takes the stage at 2 p.m. to close it out.
Fin. Don't put 'er away wet.
For more info, check out bluelakeride.com.