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Fruit Bashing 

Beer snobs and fruit beers don't mix.

It's just one of those Don't-Mess-Around-With-Jim truths you pick up somewhere in life. Since they were already forced to slog through a marathon 30 beers, we thought it best not to ask our highfalutin, beer tongues-for-hire to endure the handful of locally produced fruity brews (known, uh, in some circles as "girl beers"). We didn't want to push it.

So we punted the fruit beer tasting task toward our own end zone. One Friday afternoon -- or was it morning? -- a half-dozen Journal staffers were asked to gather in NCJHQ's editorial romper room for an impromptu beer down. On the clock. They were mega pumped.

That is, of course, until they heard what they had to drink. In retrospect, maybe we should have asked the expert snobs. Clearly, this was not the group to objectively judge this style, but with the caps already popped it was either get fruity or be left with the flats.

Fair warning: Control over these children was quickly lost. If you enjoy a fruit beer and/or don't like bitchy comments, read no further. Here comes the pain:

Beer #1 - Acai Berry Wheat: "Like my sister's Strawberry Shortcake doll. Sweet and plasticky." "PBR on a fruity day." "I'd rather have Welch's Sparkling Grape Juice."

Beer #2 - Tangerine Wheat: "Like a wine cooler -- perfect for beer haters." "Baby aspirin -- yum!" "Snooki-esque."

Beer #3 - Rosie's Strawberry Wheat: "What am I, a hummingbird?" "Body of a pre-teen volleyball player." "My burp just tasted like a mixed berry parfait."

Beer #4 - Rasberry Lambic: "Fun Dip on acid." "What color are my teeth and tongue right now?" "If Willy Wonka got ordained, he might use this for communion."

Beer #5 - Raspberry Brown: "This seems like real beer!" "Not bad, but only in the context of its present company." "The leftovers from Euell Gibbons' dinner bowl."

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Andrew Goff

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