Victoria1 
Member since Mar 11, 2009


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Re: “Adopting Reform

Many of the points that seem to be upsetting people in these comments are not even true. I also work for Adoptions and can say that we do our very best to have birth parents sign releases that we hold in their child's file so that we CAN give them information about their birth family when they reach adulthood, unfortunately many birthparents refuse to sign them or return them, and don't realize that they can come to us years later and we would be overjoyed to give them the forms again. If we do not have these forms in the adoption file I AM FORBIDDEN BY LAW to give your birth child any information about you. This is painful for me. It is painful for the child. If you did an adoption in our community then Come in! Sign the releases! Re: birth certificates... these valid concerns should be directed at legislators who make the laws, because even though I understand your point, there is nothing that I can do to fix the problem.... Except to point out that children can and do get their birth certificates in other ways before their adoptions finalize. Foster parents often need the BC to register the child for school, Grammy Sue (who child gets to maintain contact with) may have a copy in her family bible. Adoptive parents know that an amended BC doesn't mean that they miraculously created their adopted child and they also know that children want to know who their birth parents are. This is what we teach our families in our classes-biological/birth family doesn't disappear from a child's memory/heart, and a healthy adoptive home will allow their child to search for and connect with their birth relatives in a way that is safe and at a time that is appropriate. I cannot speak for other agencies, but at State Adoptions we teach that adoption ideally "grows" a child's family, not "shrinks" it. And lastly, in regards to openness being a word game that we play at that has no bite... this is not true either. Post Adoption Contact Agreements that are filed with the court at the time adoptions finalize are absolutely enforceable--by each party who signs the document. I hope that everyone understands that as Ms. Coke stated, times are changing and hopefully will continue to change, but in the meantime we have children who need permanent families in our communities and until someone steps up and says "Hey adoption worker, Let's talk about this crazy thing called adoption." these children will continue to get up every morning wondering if and when they have to move again, wondering what is wrong with me that no family wants me, and becoming more distrustful and broken hearted as months in the system turn into years in the system. Absolutely we have to keep advocating for positive change, but we also must ABSOLUTELY advocate for children to be raised by permanent families not by courts and social workers. Maybe even some of you "bloggers" would like to offer a waiting child the permanent loving home they so desperately need- You never know.

Posted by Victoria on 03/11/2009 at 11:52 PM

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