table talk / By Jada Calypso Brotman

I Want Candy

The great thing about candy bars is that they are not better made at home. I think it’s the only product I can honestly say that about. When I want a Big Hunk, there is no artesanal substitute. I cannot make a Skor bar better than Hershey. I could make a variation, but why bother? For 99 cents I get exactly the toffee I want to eat. My pop disagrees; he likes his version of toffee, chock full ‘o real butter, better. But I say, for 99 cents, nothing tastes like a Skor and it certainly is less trouble.

Candy is a lot of work and the end result is rarely what you exactly want it to be. This result is particularly evidenced in jelly or nougat candies. Mike and Ikes and their subsidiaries, with their initial resistance and eventual chew, are impossible to replicate at home. I am not per se a fan of their various ingredients, but I am willing to ignore my ethical qualms for something so profoundly jewel-like.

That said, I am to candy as the hawk is to its prey, so when I spotted the NEW NECCOS, my heart skipped a beat. The earth quaked. Necco Wafers, to you poor uninitiates, are candy wafers made by the oldest multi-line candy company in the U.S., Necco (New England Confectionery Company) dates back to 1847. They make chalky melty faves — Sweethearts Conversation Hearts is their other big hit. Both are made from corn syrup, sugar, gelatin, cornstarch and flavorings. (Do you think they used corn syrup in 1847?) Apparently, as of last year, they went “all natural” using red beet juice, purple cabbage, cocoa powder, paprika and turmeric to replace artificial ingredients. This has resulted in more intense flavors and less vivid colors; also they got rid of green because they couldn’t find an adequate natural replacement. The new Neccos are — are you ready? — four DIFFERENT CHOCOLATE VARIETIES. As any candy eater knows, choc Neccos are the prize in the cereal box. The Holy Grail of wafers. In short, the best flavor out of eight. You only get two or three in a normal mixed roll. The new chocolate roll  (“4 Great Flavors!” understatement city) has milk, dark, white chocolate and mocha flavors. If you have ever eaten a Necco then you understand the profundity of this occasion.

I searched Arcata high and low, but I have only been able to find one place to get them: the Shell station on Central in McKinleyville. Even there, it’s a crapshoot, because apparently there’s a lady who comes in once a week and buys 12 or so rolls at once. I entreated the Petromart on Alliance to order some, but their distributor doesn’t carry them. I called Cormark, the McK-ville Shell distributor, but got no response to repeated messages. So for now, I will make the trek over the bridge in search of the elusive Chocolate Necco. It’s well worth it. Plus, you can play Catholic Candy Communion!

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