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GROWN UPS. The full-page ad for Grown Ups in the New York Times includes a quote from Bill Zwecker of Fox-TV: “The perfect summer movie.” Finally, I have found a point of agreement with Fox, assuming that Zwecker meant by “perfect” a completely mindless, witless entry in the man-child comedy sweepstakes.

Grown Ups takes the premise of The Big Chill (old friends getting together after losing touch because of a funeral), leaving out the intelligent script and the acting, and combines it with Hot Tub Time Machine without the hot tub.

Co-written and produced by Adam Sandler, the script uses the death of a junior high school basketball coach to reunite the five players on his 1978 championship team 30 years later. Perhaps not surprisingly, Sandler, as Hollywood agent Lenny Feder, has the least silly role and, at least, he keeps his acting low-key. Somehow, Salma Hayek wanders into the film as Lenny’s attractive Italian fashion designer spouse, heading up a bevy of beauties, often in bikinis, providing the film’s eye candy. Maria Bello, apparently longing for her Coyote Ugly days, appears as Sally, who is married to the overweight Eric (Kevin James) and is still nursing her 4-year-old. And I shouldn’t overlook Chris Rock as a househusband who can’t follow a recipe.

Toward the end of this lamentable film, someone says, “In life, the first act: exciting. But the second act is where the depth comes in.” But of course, the whole point of this genre is that there is never a second act save some pathetic last-minute attempt at a mature act.

Alas, two hours of my life is unrecoverably down the toilet. Don’t waste my sacrifice — skip this limp exercise in arrested development. Rated PG-13 for crude material including suggestive references, language and some male rear nudity. 102m. At the Broadway, Fortuna, the Minor and Mill Creek.

Continuing

A-TEAM. I pity the foo’ that doesn’t see this updated version of the ’80s action TV show. Rated PG-13. 117m. At the Broadway and Mill Creek.

BABIES. A look at the lives of four babies from different corners of the world. This film is cute as hell. Rated PG. 79m. At the Broadway.

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