Summer Sunshine and Stardust

(Aug. 16, 2007) Previews

Hello, film fans. The peripatetic Charlie Myers is once again out wandering the globe, so for the second week in a row you’re stuck with a know-nothing’s guide to this week’s new releases. And from where I sit, this week may well go down in the annals as The Week That Bad Films Happened To Good Actors.

Stardust

GALLERY >

A few years ago, back before he’d been sucked into Terry Gross’ maw, the film critic David Edelstein challenged readers of Slate magazine to comb through the entire history of film and come up with one — just one — good biopic. Readers responded and Edelstein recanted somewhat and apologized for calling the genre “the most vacuous in cinema.”

Of course, he had it right the first time. Something about the filmic life-story brings out the schmaltz, even in the best of directors. They spread it on like mayonnaise. Think Kinsey . Think A Beautiful Mind . Think Under the Sea , Pollack , Man on the Moon , Patch Adams , The Hurricane , The Aviator , Shine , Wilde , La Bamba . If you can stomach it, think again of Patch Adams . You can watch these movies, but afterward you feel dirty and abused.

Personally, I have little faith that Becoming Jane will break the pattern. Yes, the sprightly Jane Hathaway ( ThePrincess Diaries ) seems a good choice for the young Jane Austen. Yes, the film includes the obligatory James Cromwell turn as a grumpy, clueless oldster (see The Queen , HBO’s Six Feet Under ). But, like most biopics, this one reeks of cheesy Oscar ¬Æ -bait. Rated PG. 113 m. At the Broadway.

On the other hand, might there be something to Talk to Me ? The advance press emphasizes the uplift — never a good sign — but check out the cast: Don Cheadle, Chiwetel Ejiofor, Cedric the Entertainer (but no Bernie Mac, alas). Cheadle plays Petey Greene, an ex-con who lands a radio show in Washington, D.C., smack in the middle of the soul power ‘60s. The man finds his tongue and somehow gives voice to a generation. “Based on a true story,” as they say. Rated R. 118 m. At the Minor.

Good God, yet another remake of Invasion of the Body Snatchers ? Yes, and damned if The Invasion doesn’t feature Nicole Kidman, Daniel Craig and Jeremy Northam, all presumably showing off their fake American accents. If you’re keeping track, this one is set in Washington, D.C. — aha! allegory! — while previous Invasions were staged in San Francisco and Nowheresville, U.S.A. Rated PG-13. 99 m. At the Broadway and Mill Creek.

For midsummer historo-porn, you’ve got The Last Legion , a prequel to every King Arthur story ever filmed. It’s the last days of the Roman Empire, swords and togas are au courant . The Goths want a piece of the action. So a little boy sets off for Olde England to call in the cavalry, finding the legendary sword “Excalibur” along the way. Starring — bafflingly, once again — Colin Firth and Ben Kingsley. Rated PG-13. 101 m. At The Movies, Mill Creek and the Fortuna.

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