Saturday, December 28, 2013

Party Planner

Posted By on Sat, Dec 28, 2013 at 4:00 AM

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Start chilling the bubbly for New Year's Eve. Dressed up or down, it's a big night on which you are constitutionally guaranteed to get to first base with somebody at the stroke of midnight.

But before you plan your assault on the party circuit, sort out a designated driver. And let's talk about designated drivers for a moment, because it's not always easy to find someone to willingly eschew the evening's boozy delights, remain hyper-aware of all the liquor-fueled fun and buffoonery, and essentially babysit your drunk ass until it's time to shuttle friends back to their cozy beds.

What we need is an established set of rules. Etiquette, if you will.

The Rights and Privileges of the D.D.

1.) The D.D. position shall be rotated amongst the group (NOT over the course of an evening) so that if you drove to Hops in Humboldt, congratulations, you are not driving New Year's Eve.

2.) The D.D.'s gas tank shall be filled by the passengers at the start of the evening.

3.) The D.D.'s food, including but not exclusive to entrees, miscellaneous fried foods, taco truck offerings, fancy non-alcoholic beverages and breakfast in the wee hours, shall be paid for by the passengers.

4.) The D.D. shall have first crack at any and all hot people over the course of the evening. Any passenger may be called upon to accompany as "wing man/woman." If and only if the D.D. crashes and burns, trailing drinkers may go for it.

5.) The D.D. has full permission to photograph any and all shenanigans, including the above attempt to pick up hot individuals.

6.) Passengers will not complain, grouse, roll eyes or bitch in any way, shape or form because the D.D. is saving your soused skin from costly, legal and potentially tragic consequences.

Now that we have some guidelines, peruse the calendar for the out-with-the-old-and-in-with-the-new good times to be had. Happy 2014, Humboldt!

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