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April 19, 2007
Peanut gallery
by HANK SIMS
'Bloodbath On Buhner St.'
'Seaport Satirist Shocker'
'Bombastic Blogger Is City's Legal Beagle'
Yes, everyone has most likely
already heard the news, seeing as how it prompted a local media
blitz the likes have which have not been seen for about a year
(nearly to the day, in fact). The enigmatic blogger previously
known as Captain Buhne has stepped forth from the shadows.
In a front-page Arcata Eye story "streeting"
this week, Buhne's Clark Kentish alter ego reveals himself to
be Ryan Hurley, legal assistant for the City of Eureka.
Everything that can conceivably be said about the
subject has probably already been said, but indulge me with one
observation. In all the local blogosphere, no one's true identity
was more eagerly sought than Capt. Buhne's. The Captain has beguiled
a lot of powerful people in the last couple of years (check his
archives if you're among the uninitiated -- Google "Buhne
Tribune"). No one else working the blog circuit has near
as much mindshare. And you can bet that none of the anonymous
chatterers holds anywhere near as sensitive a position in real
life. But Buhne stepped forward anyway.
Conclusion: Ryan Hurley has stones, and the other
blog chatterers don't. I'm looking at you, Heraldo of
"The Humboldt Herald." And you, Anon.R.mous
of the "Super Happy Fun Blog." You two, especially
-- unless you can convince me that your job is more delicate
than Hurley's, the inescapable conclusion is that you are anonymous
because you are too small, morally, to take responsibility for
your words. Period, full stop, end of story.
Meanwhile, if you'd like to hear me kick Hurley's
ass live on the radio, tune into KHUM tonight (Thursday, April
19) at 6 p.m.
Through no fault of its own, the Journal
seems to have gotten itself into the middle of a nasty spat between
two Manila neighbors concerning a proposed new building development
in that seaside community. Having done so, we now find ourselves
in the tedious position of having to adjudicate their dispute.
Here's the rough timeline: On March 8, we published
a story about the new mega-development being proposed in Cutten.
On March 15, a bunch of people wrote in to register their opposition
to the Cutten development. On March 29, R.S. Riley wrote
in to deride the March 15 correspondents as a bunch of NIMBYs,
and to say that such types are opposed even to his eco-groovy
Manila development. On April 5, Michael Fennell wrote
to say that Riley's development is not eco-groovy at all, and
listed several particulars to back up his case. Last week, Riley
came in to challenge three of Fennell's published facts.
Pine trees. In his letter, Fennell stated
that Riley was "caught cutting mature beach pines on [his]
property prior to submitting [his] development plan." The
implication was that this was an illegal act, and in a follow-up
call Fennell asserted that it was.
In fact, it was not. The tree-cutting incident
was covered in the Arcata Eye at the time. The story from
that paper described how officers from the county's code enforcement
unit had been called to the scene and had issued a stop-work
permit for "possible" violations, but had later determined
that no law had been broken. The trees were not, in fact, "mature,"
at least by the definition adopted by the county. In our phone
conversation, Fennell insisted that code enforcement had simply
been too busy to prosecute Riley, but this is not the case. No
law was broken.
Sand. In his letter, Fennell mentioned that
the Riley plan involves "bulldoz[ing] the dunes (about 650
large dump-truck loads)." In fact, the great majority of
the sand removed from building sites in the Riley proposal will
be used to restore historic dunes on the property, according
to engineering plans that have been submitted to the county.
Only one "large dump-truck load" of sand is scheduled
to be removed from the site.
Density. Fennell, speaking for the community,
said: "We welcome any new housing that ... maintains the
half-acre minimum standard." (Half-acre-minimum lots are
standard for the area's zoning.)
Riley's plan calls for 17 homes on 8.5 acres, which
pencils out to one home per half-acre. However, those proposed
homes will be scrunched into one corner of the property so that
the rest of the parcel, which consists of sensitive wetlands,
may be protected as open space. This kind of thing is the purpose
behind "planned unit developments." Trevor Eslow,
a planner with the county's Community Development Services division,
assured us Tuesday that these kind of trade-offs -- smaller lot
sizes for preserved open space -- are not entirely uncommon.
In fact, just last year there was another Manila
developer who did a somewhat analogous deal with the county.
His name is Michael Fennell. Last year, Fennell wanted to subdivide
3.7 acres, 3 acres of which was wetlands or pine forest. Fennell
built three homes on the other seven-tenths of an acre, with
the county's blessing. According to Eslow, the lead planner on
the project, one of the lots was only 15,000 square feet in size
-- about .35 acres, well below the standard he sets for Riley's
development. The subdivision was arranged in that way to ensure
that the property's sensitive habitat would remain in single
ownership.
In our conversation, Fennell maintained that small
parcel in his project was not his choice. "It's not something
that I needed, it's not something that I wanted -- it's something
they [the planning department] came up with at the 11th hour,"
he said. And though a similar planning logic may be driving Riley's
development, Fennell insisted that there were still lots of reasons
to oppose his neighbor's project.
You want more? The Humboldt County Planning Commission
will consider Riley's development at its regular meeting on Thursday,
May 3.
We are in receipt of a curious letter regarding
last week's cover story on colorful Eureka character Jerry
Droz ("Sometimes
Jerry wins," April 12). The letter itself is perhaps
a bit incoherent. Also, its purported author one "Ronald
Kenneth Dorn" of Trinidad does not, in fact, seem to
exist. Those are two reasons why we have not published it. Nevertheless,
the letter is wonderfully illustrative in its own way. It shows
that the voters of the City of Eureka made a big, big mistake
when they declined to elect Droz as their mayor last fall.
Because what do you want in a mayor? You want leadership
potential. Well, as the "Dorn" letter indicates, Droz's
leadership qualities are far greater than those of your standard
politician. The man has a mesmeretic ability to burrow his way
into his followers' minds. This gives him, among other powers,
the ability to control the way their fingers fall on the keyboard.
What do I mean? Take, for example, Droz's rules
of written English. Never one to rest on his laurels, the valiant
Jerry has in the past put forward a radical scheme for reconstructing
the rules of punctuation. Take this representative example, culled
from The Petch House, the local blog that published the
first known exegesis of Drozian grammar. The extract is taken
from a Droz letter to city government:
"Likewise , those not following my lead will
soon find that things will not go right. I had asked , Dan Moody
to install signs limiting the amount of time vehicles can park
in front of , Kragen's and The Golden Gate Service Station ...."
Two things leap out in this sample: space before
comma and comma before proper noun. Those are the two fundamentals
of the Droz style. Back when the mayor's race was hot, you found
samples of it all over the local blogs, signed by fervent Droz
supporters such as "Randy Wybeck," "Big John"
and "Dana W." Clearly these good citizens found Jerry
to be not only a persuasive political leader but a forward-thinking
syntactician.
What the "Dorn" letter proves is that
Droz's devout following has not waned with time; indeed, it seems
to have spread to remoter outposts. Quote: "The recent article
regarding , Jerry Droz was one of the best you have ever published
... We don't have these problems where we live in , Trinidad
because we don't cater to all the derelics , criminals and assistance
for Drug addicts and drunken alcoholics the way , Eureka does
."
Well , thank you , Mr. " Dorn " and God
bless ! Maybe , Eureka didn't see things the way , Droz did ,
but I think I'm coming around !
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